Workplace Diva

Friday Funnies: Mitt's Office

2012-01-27T05:50:00.001-08:00

With the prospect of birthday cakes like this one, maybe the disappearing office birthday party is a good thing?

Workplace Trends: The Workplace Parking Tax

2012-01-27T04:56:00.001-08:00

Do you regularly grumble about the parking situation at work? Well, imagine if your company were having to shell out a few hundred dollars per year to the city for each employee parking space.

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Nottingham, England recently passed a levy that requires local companies to pay £288 per year for each employee parking space, and the levy is expected to cut down on traffic and raise £100 million over the next ten years to fund public transportation. Now Edinburgh, Scotland is thinking about doing the same thing. As reported on Scotsman.com:

Businesses would be charged for parking spaces they provide to their staff under proposals being considered by the Labour Party.

The Labour group in Edinburgh, which is currently the second-largest party in the City Chambers, would look into the possibility of a “workplace parking levy” to raise money for transport improvements and reduce congestion if it came into power after May’s local elections.

As you'd probably guess, Scottish businesses don't like the idea of taxing employee "car parks" very much, labeling the potential levy a "work tax" and a general drain on business.

Could such policies commute across the Pond? Will taxing employee parking spaces become the hot, new trend for U.S. cities and local municipalities? Shh, nobody tell them! Bottom line: If you're a manager griping about parking this morning, just ponder how each employee parking space could be costing you anywhere from $200 to $400 in additional local taxes every year. Boy, I bet you feel better about your situation already.

Will the Self-driving Company Car Zoom Into Reality?

2012-01-26T04:47:00.001-08:00

Could the self-driving company car be the panacea for productivity that managers have been waiting for?

Google -- who else? -- is busy test driving its own self-driving cars on today's Quinn Martin Production-free streets of San Francisco. Google's "autonomous" cars run on artificial intelligence software that can "see" traffic and obstacles. Neat, huh?

Even neater is pondering how today's test drives could become tomorrow's fleet of self-driving company cars, ready and waiting to run errands for the harried administrative assistant tasked with buying birthday party supplies for the disappearing office birthday party or the salesperson who forgot to leave something non-PDFable with a client this morning. Instead of getting into the company car to drive aaaaaallll the way across town hurting their personal productivity, employees of the future will be able to send the company car solo. Or have the intern or a junior employee go instead. Then again, maybe we don't want them driving, do we?

Just think of the smile on the average manager's face as future spreadsheets show a sudden bump in productivity thanks to the self-driving company car! It's a reverse Billy Ocean, where getting into managers' dreams means getting employees out of the car.

While employers will be smiling, however, employees will feel all sorts of glum because it's suddenly getting a lot harder to work in random pit stops at the coffee shop or the Post Office to mail their bills on company postage while they're out of the office on business. Technological progress has just screwed up a good thing as far as they're concerned. Employees of the future will have to find innovative work-arounds for taking care of their personal business on company time -- a thought process that could occupy a significant portion of their brains for weeks and weeks and weeks after the self-driving company car parallel parks itself alongside their work routines.

Employers, meanwhile, will be working out a few logistics of their own as the self-driving company car becomes a standard workplace feature. For starters, what about legal and insurance matters? Law schools are just starting to debate the legal risks of the self-driving car. These vehicles lack a driver in the traditional sense, but someone at the office will surely be programming the vehicle. Who gets this task, and who assumes the risk if there's an accident or some other problem? Or maybe it'll all get done through the cloud?

Less ominously, someone on the other end of the route will have to make the trek to the self-driving company car to pick up and drop off. This task will require walking, which Americans aren't as fond of these days even if it will increase their workplace productivity. I hauled my ass out there yesterday, it's your turn this time. It's raining and I don't want to get wet. Managers could have to drive home the idea of teamwork yet again.

And what if the giant bulk store sends Company X's 20 bags of Craisins, 10 packs of muffins, 20 packs of blue ink pens and 500 rolls of toilet paper to Company Y? Ooops. Mistakes could happen in the age of the self-driving company car. Will retailers have to start tracking their corporate clients by make, model and license plate number? Will "company car concierge" become a hot, new 21st Century job title? Footwork and good communication will be key in the age of the self-driving company car when and if it happens, which of course it will. Someday. And we won't be able to blame Al Gore this time. For now, the self-driving company car is purely theoretical and fun to test drive as a blog post. It's good we can pay most of our bills online now, isn't it?

U.S. Employees Spend $1,092 A Year On Coffee Drinks

2012-01-25T09:27:00.000-08:00

If you can't make it through the day without at least four cups of coffee, know that you're not alone because a new Accounting Principals survey says U.S. employees are spending more than $1,000 a year on coffee drinks.

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That's right: The $1,000+ a duly-employed person could spend on paying down his or her credit card or putting into savings for a rainy day is instead going toward a good bean buzz. Gen Y (and Millennial?) employees in the 18-34 age range are the most likely to spend money on coffee drinks. They're averaging $25 per month on the liquid gold, which makes sense, because they're young and they don't know any better.

"Experienced" Gen X and Baby Boomer employees over age 45, however, are less likely to shell out for a $5 latte every day on the way to work because at some point they realized they were spending upwards of $100 a month on coffee drinks and how were they ever going to cover all the bills and pay for Junior's burgeoning list of extracurricular activities? By purchasing a coffeemaker, that's how. There's still room for the occasional latte while shopping or hitting the McDonald's drive-thru for a cup of joe, though. Everyone's gotta live a little.

Gen Yers in the survey said their goal is to bring more sack lunches to work this year. So if you start finding moldy sack lunches in the office refrigerator, you might be able to shorten your list of potential suspects.

Thoughts On the State of the Union

2012-01-25T04:46:00.000-08:00

Dinner was microwavable, homework got done early, and the kids were told they'd have to watch the Disney Channel on the other teevee because Mom and Dad have a date night with some appointment television. It must be time for the State of the Union address!

I always look forward to the SOTU, no matter who is president. There's just something about seeing our dysfunctional government confined to one, large rectangular room that brings out the geek in me. It's the very best of American political theater, and a refreshing counterpoint to the 12,309th Republican debate. And given the sheer number of GOP debates so far, I feel like I exaggerate only slightly. What!? The Republicans are having another debate? Tonight? Why? They just debated two days ago! Where are they this time?

Anyway, I thought the president gave a great and very optimistic speech. Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels...what was up with the profile side eye? Is his right side his best side? I couldn't focus on his run-for-the-hills-everything-is-falling-apart GOP response because his head movements were so distracting. And who talks about "free-born, mature citizens" in this day and age? The last time I checked, it's not 1820.

Here's the full text of the president's speech.

The economy does seem to be getting better, albeit slowly. It was nice to see the president talk about "insourcing" jobs back to the United States, and I hope it's more than just talk because rampant offshoring hasn't been good for our country. Like a lot of people, I'm still waiting to see some heads roll for the 2008 financial collapse. I want to see some bankers frog marched into courthouses and then sent off to jail for a very long time. I want to see the full reinstatement of the Glass-Steagall Act, whose 1999 repeal was one of President Clinton's biggest mistakes. I want to see more fairness and more fair play. I want to feel like the American Dream is alive and well again. I want a zero-calorie cinnamon roll, but I don't have one.

I'd say it's just me, but I don't think it's just me. I love my country, and I want it to do well. Let's hope more words turn into action this year. Good job, Mr. President.

Is Travel Software Taking the Fun Out of Business Travel?

2012-01-24T04:52:00.000-08:00

Do you travel a lot on business? Now your employer can watch you even more closely to make sure you're traveling on the cheap.

The latest version of TripIt For Business lets employers track and rank the most efficient business travelers in the company. As Marketwatch.com says:

For employees, a company travel calendar makes it easy to see when and where colleagues are traveling. For managers and business owners, real-time access to office travel spending provides insight into how much travel is on the books at any given moment.

Newly added visibility into office travel spending quickly answers questions about how much the company has spent to date on travel, what travel spend will be in the next 30 or 90 days, who travels the most frequently, and who the most efficient travelers in the company are.

Oh, crap. Now managers can turn business travel into an Amazing Race-like competition where employees are pitted against each other in a game of who-is-the-cheapest-traveler-of-all. Great. Goodbye, Embassy Suites and hello, Motel 6. No more Panera Bread muffins or upgraded car rentals, either, if you want to beat your co-workers in this quarter's travel competition. No Ford Expedition for me, thanks. I'll just take the two-door compact with the trunk that won't stay closed. Forget the hotel breakfast bar too, because the broken granola bars you keep in your suitcase will have to do. Watching Anthony Bourdain's awesome new show The Layover gives you a bad case of the sads.

There are pros and cons to today's constantly-upgraded business travel software packages. Employees should be frugal on the employers' dime -- that's always the right thing to do -- and it's true that some employees are turning in very questionable expenditures. Travel software helps employers keep track of everything, but there's also a potential employee morale problem approaching the landing strip if employers focus too intently on the emerging "efficiency" aspects of the software. Business travel already sucks, and good employees who find any and all fun has been budgeted out of their road trips will be looking for innovative ways to stay home and let the new guy fly economy to Tulsa instead. Or Cleveland. Or Hong Kong. Does it really matter? Just pick a city, because you aren't going to be seeing much of anything beyond the four walls of your hotel room because the software won't allow it. First they overwork me, and now I have to stay at budget hotels that don't even serve breakfast. Flippin' fantastic.

Welcome to the mindset of today's disgruntled business traveler faced with company travel managers, who, according to a new survey, will be obsessed with squeezing additional air, ground and hotel savings from employees this year. Companies can feel free to track their business travelers up to the minute via GPS in dangerous global hotspots, though. That's A-okay.

Bottom line, employers: Don't go too overboard with the business travel software unless you want your best employees to book one-way tickets out of the company at the first opportunity. The money you save on travel will be outweighed by the turnover costs. And the employees who leave won't be leaving a light on for you.

Workplace Trends: Get Ready For Wunderkit

2012-01-23T08:06:00.000-08:00

Companies the world over have a Facebook page. It's just sort of the thing to do these days.

But a German start-up called 6Wunderkinder is about to release a new app called Wunderkit that it hopes will become a sort of non-Facebook Facebook for the 21st Century workplace, and tech writers apparently love it.

What is it exactly? Well, it lets employees create lists in a cloud that they can upload or download to their smartphones and other devices. Or something? I never said I was a tech writer. According to a story on ABCnews.com:

Even though it would eventually grow into a successful product, co-founder and designer Jan Martin says the company deliberately held back in development, saving the best for Wunderkit, which he and colleagues describe as a sort of "Facebook for work" that will enable colleagues from all over the world to exchange information on projects they are working on.

The as yet unreleased app has generated considerable buzz in the Berlin start-up scene, even attracting a round of funding from Skype co-founder Niklas Zennström's London-based venture capital firm Atomico, which announced a €3.1 million investment in 6Wunderkinder late last year.

So will employees everywhere be "Wunderkitting" soon? Will the sarcastic and witty "Wunderkitism" enter the workplace vernacular? Who knows, but now I have a sudden urge to listen to the German version of Nena's "99 Luftballoons." Entschuldigung!

Can Presenting Last Give You the Edge?

2012-01-23T04:41:00.000-08:00

Are you gearing up to give a presentation? If it's a presentation involving multiple presenters, then you might want to go last.

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Australian researchers analyzed 1,522 American Idol "performances" on the Australian, British, Canadian and American versions of the show and found American Idol contestants who sing last have a much higher chance of advancing to the next round, especially if they have the middling talent level of, say, a Jennifer Lopez. Studies of the Eurovision singing contests have shown the same thing.

Could presenting last serve you well on the job? Speaking first can give you a go-getter's aura, but if you're one of five people giving a PowerPoint presentation to an audience full of bored, texting people, deciding to go last might just give you a few advantages. First, going last lets you size up the competition and adjust accordingly. Second, it allows you to gauge what interests the audience, other than the prospect of leaving. Third, audience members might silently attribute a more positive vibe to the last speaker simply because they're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Fourth, audience members might be more likely to remember what the last speaker says -- and to be less skeptical because now they're more tired, they're itching to check their messages (if they're not doing it already), they're needing to pee, and they're wanting a snack. Okay, buddy, I get it. Sure, yeah, let's just do what you said. Sounds great! Seacrest, out.

Should I draw a connection between a random Australian study of a fading talent show and the average workplace? Well, drawing random, weird, largely unsupportable connections is the stock and trade of the time-pressed, humanities-majoring journalist, isn't it? But you might test this theory the next time you're slated to be one of multiple presenters, or your group is going head-to-head against the competition. Sure, no one ever writes "LAST!" on Internet message boards, but this workplace race to the bottom ~~of the speaking list~~ is a race you might just win, especially if you suck at giving PowerPoint presentations. Let me know if it works.

Friday Funnies: Obama Sings

2012-01-20T11:18:00.000-08:00

President Obama did a fundraiser at the Apollo Theater last night and paid tribute to Al Green by singing a snippet of his classic song, Let's Stay Together, and you know, he's pretty good! I vote for a sing off in this Fall's presidential debates, a sort of "America's Got Talent" for wannabe and current presidents. Or maybe President Obama can sing part of the State of the Union on Tuesday night? Hey, stranger things have happened in the age of reality television.

Study: Imaginary Co-workers Make You More Productive

2012-01-19T07:09:00.000-08:00

Imaginary friends are no longer just for 6-year-olds. They can make you more productive on the job. No, really -- and there's a new study to prove it.

Researchers at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln asked hundreds of employees to stop obsessing about the bad habits of their real-life co-workers for awhile to conjure up the image of an imaginary co-worker who was friendly, hard-working, and an all-around good person. And guess what: The study participants who saw their imaginary co-worker friend in a very positive light had better job performance themselves and were suddenly more friendly, hard-working and all-around good people. No, really! According to the UNL rundown:

University of Nebraska-Lincoln researchers have found that study participants who conjured positive imaginary co-workers contributed more in the actual workplace, both in job performance and going above and beyond their job descriptions to help others.

The results showed that your perceptions of others -- even ones that are made up -- says a lot about what kind of person you really are, said Peter Harms, UNL assistant professor of management and the study's lead author. Imagining coworkers instead of reporting on how you perceive your actual coworkers produces more accurate ratings of having a positive worldview, he said, because it strips away the unique relational baggage that one may have with the people they know.

So if your co-workers are grating on your nerves day after day, just re-imagine them as someone who doesn't exist in real life and watch your mood improve and your productivity soar! Go ahead and go to your happy place by hooking up with an imaginary work buddy. No, not that kind of hooking up. That would be too weird. We'll all get through this work week together.

Workplace Trends: The Holographic Team Leader

2012-01-19T04:48:00.000-08:00

Remember that scene in Star Wars where R2-D2 beams a holographic version of Princess Leia saying Obi-Wan Kenobe is her only hope?

Well, now your average trainer -- or even company team leaders -- can be beamed into the nearest conference room to walk your hopeless team through the new employee handbook or to badger you for random status updates! The age of the holographic leader is finally here, courtesy of a company called Digital Video Enterprises, Inc. (DVE). According to Telepresenceoptions.com:

Unlike common videoconferencing/telepresence, the DVE 3D CreateSpace(TM) brings trainers and team leaders from distant sites imaging them upon DVE's patented transparent holographic display system. Viewers see the floating images of these people standing at a real podium and they can look around and behind these imaged people. The amazing realism of their virtual presence ensures that group interaction completely replicates an in-person experience. According Jeff Machtig, Co-Founder of DVE, "No other solution in the world provides this level of life-like real-time interaction with people at remote locations and has been proven effectively used in corporations, universities and government facilities."

So now your boss, who might already think she can walk on water, will be able to virtually float and hover like some sort of ghostly presence. She haunts your dreams, and now she'll haunt the conference room, too. It's sort of like reporter Jessica Yellin being beamed into CNN's studio on election night 2008 to talk to Wolf Blitzer, which was weird and laughable and sort of WTF. Only you and your teammates will be sitting in conference room chairs rolling your eyes while texting. I may be wrong, but I think this was the first and last time CNN tried this holographic technology on air. Just saying.

You know, I have to wonder if these holographic technologies will be akin to my grade schooler's class having a substitute teacher for the day. You just know that some kids (not mine, of course...) will see an opening to goof off and test the teacher's limits. Will bored, restless employees faced with a holographic trainer or team leader do the same? Can a projected authority project authority? While the boss is away, the employees might play. Wow, two of my spitballs flew right through the team leader. Score! Or maybe the team leader will be able to see it all happening, and so much for that idea.

We might also see the first-ever holographic harassment lawsuit someday. Can an employee be harassed by a hologram? It's so very 21st Century, isn't it? And will team leaders decide to leave the conference room to float past cubicles or hover in the break room? It's management-by-floating-around. Shudder. In any case, there are some employee management "issues" management teams should float up front if they're hoping to go holographic.

Weirdest Things Listed On Employee Expense Reports

2012-01-18T11:05:00.000-08:00

Ah, the employee expense report. So much information, so much room for fudging.

At least this is how CFOs feel after telling Robert Half Management Resources about the weirdest things they've ever seen employee include on expense reports. Some of the wacky expenses employees have tried to run past management in this recession include cosmetic surgery, lottery tickets, trailer rentals, pet food, teepees, speeding tickets, expensive family trips, and fines for crashing into toll booths. Hey, it's hard to see where you're going when you're trying to text.

But a recent survey by expense tracking software firm Concur says that recession-wary employees are leaving money on the table intentionally as they write their expense reports. A full 22% of employees Concur surveyed were "too embarrassed" to ask for total reimbursement; 5% felt too guilty; and roughly half (49%) felt it was too much trouble to itemize every single expense and then prepare an adequate defense. Plus, having to tape receipts on all four sides gets old really, really fast.

Either employees don't want the hassle of asking for their $2.50 back or they're buying teepees expecting their employers to reimburse them. It's one or the other, apparently, and all in a day's work.

Workplace Twitter Use Up 700% In 2011

2012-01-18T04:52:00.000-08:00

If you're a manager tired of employees going on Twitter to inadvertently divulge proprietary secrets and ruin the company's branding efforts, then you're not going to like a new report from security company Palo Alto Networks that says workplace Twitter use jumped 700% last year.

Facebook is still number one with employees, but Twitter's Strunk & White-inspired verbal delivery system is taking its measly 140 characters to the top and it's never looking back. Or is it? Hmm. Will we still be tweeting in five years or will Twitter be replaced by the latest, greatest creation by two dudes at a university somewhere (TM) that is sure to cost companies millions in lost employee productivity and revenue? I'm betting on the latter.

Managers will also love that employees are more likely to be actively writing tweets instead of simply reading them. Awesome. Everyone is talking but not listening, because we're too caught up in our own thoughts and random spelling errors. We're living in a social media vacuum where what we say is the most important thing ever said. Sorry, did you say something?

But maybe this is the way society is trending, because who has the time to "follow" 67,234 people on any given day? No one, that's who. You'll lose ten followers this hour but gain twelve new followers by noon. But who's counting? Twitter is like a roller coaster stock market for people with commitment issues.

Sigh. You know what I've never liked about social media? The subtle and unrelenting peer pressure to be involved in it, thanks largely to the media. You need to be doing this, because it's what everyone should be doing. For the average employee or job seeker, this means feeling pressured to create the perfect social media profile to land or keep a job while knowing that employers simultaneously reserve the right to turn away applicants or fire employees for what they do on social media. It's a strange Catch-22 that smart applicants and employees are right to be worried about, and one the workplace will be coming to grips with for years to come.

My advice? Just be who you are, and with any luck you know who that is by now. Trying to become someone you're not never works out very well. If you want to be on every social media site, then by all means go for it. If you don't, then don't. And if you don't, never let the media or anyone else make you feel like a loser for keeping a lower profile because you're actually very smart to maintain some online boundaries in this day and age. Besides, there's a social life outside of social media that can be quite fun.

Workplace Trends: Facebook Wants To Share Your Political Status Updates

2012-01-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

Starting to get into the presidential race? Yeah, the 2012 race isn't nearly as exciting as the 2008 race, when the nighttime cable news shows were appointment television. But at least now when you "Facebook" a comment about the 2012 race the site will turn around and share it with journalists.

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If you watch cable news for more than 20 minutes, you've no doubt heard of Politico.com. Well, Facebook and Politico have apparently inked a deal where Facebook will sift through users' private comments looking for politically-minded status updates that it can amass into giant "data sets." Then Facebook will supposedly forward these data sets -- ahem, anonymously -- on to Politico, which will then use them to sum up voter sentiment. Or resentment? Who knows. What we do know is that it's going to be like using sarcastic Twitter comments to generalize about the entire U.S. population, only now with "like" buttons! And since CNN has largely outsourced its news gathering operation to Twitter users, it's pretty much all we've got. According to AllthingsD:

Most notably, the Facebook-Politico data set will include Facebook users’ private status messages and comments. While that may alarm some people, Facebook and Politico say the entire process is automated and no Facebook employees read the posts.

Rather, every post and comment — both public and private — by a U.S. user that mentions a presidential candidate’s name will be fed through a sentiment analysis tool that spits out anonymized measures of the general U.S. Facebook population.

So there you are, on your work break, Facebooking something about Mitt Romney's hair and bammo chango! Your witty comment is off, supposedly anonymously and presumably without your knowledge, to computers unknown in the greater Washington, DC metro area for some "sentiment analysis" by journalists who want to make wildly inaccurate generalizations about voter sentiment without having to leave the office. Awesome. You'd almost think they're bloggers.

Should employees worry about this sort of thing? A 2010 Consumer Reports State Of the Net survey found a whopping 73% of Facebook users thought their status updates were private, while various articles tell us that our data can never truly be anonymous. The closer we get to November the more we're going to be talking politics, too. It's just the nature of the beast. Employees who can't talk politics around the watercooler might see Facebook as a safe, private venue for hashing out the candidates.

On the other hand, we're busy shooting from the hip in this Wild West age of social media we find ourselves living in, and employees might not care anymore about what they say. This is me, this is what I believe, I'm my own person, it's the 21st Century, I live online, live with it, boss. Of course, thinking this way can get you fired, and 2012 isn't the best time in history to get fired. Plus, grandma always said not to talk about politics and religion in polite company, and Facebook might fall into the polite category for a lot of people who are more than ready to "defriend" someone who always spouts their political views like a broken sewer pipe. So, there's that.

Where am I going with this? Hell, I don't know. I'm not even finished with my bowl of oatmeal yet and my preschooler is going to wake up any second demanding apple juice. No one comes to this blog for heavy analysis. But ultimately, the answer seems simple: Be careful online and save your savviest political insights for beer and nachos with your best buds far, far away from the web and work. Otherwise, the snarky political comments you make on Facebook will be forwarded to Politico, which will be re-tweeted by someone you've never met, and then get picked up by CNN for its "breaking news" feed. Welcome to the modern "news" cycle. Sorry boss, I didn't know this would happen! Honest!

Could the Facebook-Politico deal become just another reason for people to dislike Facebook? Hmm. Now that's a sentiment analysis data set Facebook might want to run on itself.

70% Of U.S. Companies Will Be Open On MLK Jr. Day

2012-01-16T04:35:00.000-08:00

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a federal holiday. Roughly seven in 10 U.S. companies will still be open for business, though.

A new Bloomberg Bureau of National Affairs workplace survey tells us that 31% of U.S. employers will give their workers a paid holiday today. That's slightly more than three in ten U.S. employers. Well, it's an increase of 1% over last year and an increase of 3% over 2010, so that's progress? It's certainly better than 1987, when 14% of employers designated Martin Luther King Day as a paid holiday for employees. MLK Jr. Day was first observed in 1986.

Government employees are more likely to have today off:

Consistent with past years, nonbusiness employers are much more likely to make Martin Luther King Day a paid holiday than are nonmanufacturing or manufacturing establishments. More than six in ten nonbusiness organizations (61 percent) will make January 16 a paid holiday, compared with 23 percent of nonmanufacturing firms and 8 percent of manufacturers.

Organizations with a union presence are somewhat more likely than those without one to designate Martin Luther King Day as a paid holiday (41 percent of unionized establishments compared with 29 percent of nonunion organizations). Larger organizations with 1,000 or more employees are more apt than their smaller counterparts to give their employees paid time off on Martin Luther King Day (39 percent versus 28 percent).

Today is also the MLK Day of Service, which urges us all to give back to our communities through volunteer work. You can visit the official website to find volunteer projects in your community or to post your own volunteer projects. Here's a promo for the Day of Service.

Friday Funnies: S*%# Nobody Says

2012-01-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

Hilarious.

Racial Discrimination At Work Is Bad For Your Health

2012-01-13T05:05:00.000-08:00

Can racial discrimination on the job have long-term impacts on one's health?

Yes, according to a new Rice University study entitled "Is Discrimination an Equal Opportunity Risk? Racial Experiences, Socio-economic Status and Health Status Among Black and White Adults," which calls racial discrimination the "missing link" when talking about workplace health:

...the authors examined data containing measures of social class, race and perceived discriminatory behavior and found that approximately 18 percent of blacks and 4 percent of whites reported higher levels of emotional upset and/or physical symptoms due to race-based treatment.

"Discriminatory behavior very well may be a 'missing link' in the analysis of racial and ethnic health disparities," Bratter said. "It's important to acknowledge and study its impact on long-term health."

The study has been published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

Workers Care More About Rudeness Directed At Same-Gender Co-workers

2012-01-12T07:02:00.000-08:00

Acts of workplace incivility bother us more when someone of the same gender is on the receiving end.

Or so says a new Texas A&M/Buena Vista University study of male and female restaurant workers.

So Courtney feels stressed out (but isn't outraged...) as she watches someone being intentionally rude to her male co-worker Chris, but she's gonna have a total fit if the same thing happens to her female co-worker Chris. Ditto for men witnessing workplace rudeness hurled at a male co-worker. It doesn't matter that both parties have the same boring, unisex name; it's the gender-related principle of the thing. We share the same X or Y chromosome, therefore I feel your pain. Or maybe you're Canadian?

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The biggest surprise, however, might lie in how men and women react in the aftermath. Women tend to become much more demoralized after watching a female co-worker get picked on. Men, however, tend not to feel demoralized after watching a male colleague suffer a personal attack, but they sure are more angry. It's a Mars vs. Venus workplace thing that we wish to not disclose. Maybe we all need to become Canadian.

U.S. Supreme Court: Discrimination Laws Don't Protect Some Church Employees

2012-01-12T05:12:00.000-08:00

While you were sleeping at your desk yesterday, the U.S. Supreme Court dealt with a few workplace-related cases.

First, the Court ruled that federal discrimination laws don't protect some church employees because there needs to be separation of church and state, there are First Amendment protections, and there's something about the Establishment Clause. Well okay, until you learn that churches won't have to factor race, sex and disability into their employment processes, and that they can fire a minister whenever they want to and no federal anti-discrimination laws will apply. Terrific.

Oh, and the Court also threw out a case from an inmate at a privately-run prison who was suing the prison's employees for maltreatment. Inmates housed at government-run federal or state prisons, however, can still get their lawsuit on because they're covered under the Eighth Amendment. Or something? What does it all mean? I decided not to become a lawyer a long time ago, so I'll leave the post-game wrap up to someone who is.

One does wonder how many corporations are suddenly wishing they were churches. Well, at least corporations are people, my friend. By the way, next week is the two-year anniversary of the Citizens United ruling. Time sure flies.

Top 5 Workplace Injuries Bleeding Employers Dry In Workers Comp Costs

2012-01-11T04:49:00.000-08:00

That 80/20 rule you use to describe your customer base? Well, go ahead and apply it to your company's direct workers compensation costs, too.

A new Liberty Mutual Group Inc. report has just stumbled through the door to tell us that the top five workplace injuries account for a whopping 72% of all direct workers comp costs. And what are the "top five" workplace injuries according to Liberty Mutual, you ask?

1. "Overexertion" -— e.g., injuries caused by lifting, pushing, pulling, holding and carrying are resulting in an annual cost of $12.5 billion for employers and account for one-quarter of all workplace injuries;

2. "Fall on same level" -- known more informally as "falling on your face," employee spills are leading to $7.94 billion in direct workers comp costs and 15.8% of all workplace injuries;

3. "Fall to lower level" -- vertical falls are rising employers' workers comp costs by $5.35 billion;

4. "Bodily reaction" -— standing, sitting, slipping, bending, climbing, reaching or tripping, and all without falling, has workers comp expenses climbing to $5.28 billion;

5. "Struck by object" -- "Get out of the way! Look out! Oh, no!" comes with a price tag of $4.64 billion.

I've covered workplace falls before, and I'm surprised it's not number one on the list given our fondness for texting while walking. Ow, my head! Who put that "wet floor" sign there?

So there you have it, employers: Your guide to workplace safety upgrades and lowering your workers compensation expenses. Don't trip over yourselves trying to get it all done.

Tuesday Twitterings: Microsoft's Tweet Choir

2012-01-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

Check out "The Tweet Choir," which sang at Microsoft's CES press conference. Not sure about the lyrics that include lines such as "hashtag, nerd alert" and "hoping for some good Xbox news." Sure is some fantastic singing, though.

Do Active Social Media Users Make Less Ethical Employees?

2012-01-10T05:19:00.000-08:00

Do you spend a lot of time on social media sites? Sorry to break it to you, but a new study says that your work ethic needs some work.

The Ethics Resource Center has released its 2011 National Business Ethics Survey that explores the work attitudes of super-active social media users. Lo and behold, our super social media-savvy co-workers are more likely to steal from the office supply room; take company software home to install on their home computers; use company credit cards for personal use (tsk, tsk); and talk smack about their co-workers and employers (especially online -- go figure). Also, they're just not that "into" their current jobs, since 72% of super-active social networkers plan to move on to greener pastures within five years, compared to roughly 40% of their Luddite, sorry-I-don't-use-Facebook counterparts.

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Status update: Don't hire anyone who spends a lot of time tweeting, Facebooking, Tumblring, Foursquaring, and whatever else is going on these days in 140 characters or less? Yeah, good luck with that. By the way, ERC defines the "active social networker" as someone who spends at least 30% of their workday on social media sites, so this description might give managers a better idea of who keeps stealing the good pens from the storage supply closet. Just kidding.

Not all is rosy for our super-connected cyberfriends, though: ERC tells us they're more likely to suffer retaliation at work than their less-connected co-workers, presumably because they're going online to bitch and moan about their jobs, co-workers, and whatever else is on their minds in any given moment. So, there's that. I'd say more, but I've got a lot of sarcastic tweets to read. Here's the study.

Workplace Trends: No More Birthday Parties

2012-01-09T04:43:00.000-08:00

It's an employer's market, and employers are firmly in control of who they hire and fire. It also means employers can make all kinds of big and small changes on the job, like making employees celebrate their birthdays on their own time and dime.

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Take Australia, where some employers have banned birthday cakes at work. "Cake in the break room" is becoming so 2007. If there is cake, it was probably baked on a budget.

Workplace birthday parties definitely have their pros and cons. While the constant stream of cake and good wishes is nice, the forced frivolity and lost productivity can leave employees wanting to gouge their eyes out with a plastic, frosting-covered fork. If a recent discussion among columnist Carolyn Hax's commenters is any indication, then there are many employees who simply don't like celebrating their co-workers' birthdays at work. Period.

The reasons are many. For starters, each employee might be asked to contribute $5 toward the festivities, which can add up quickly if it's a big birthday month at work. And it's always somebody's birthday at work, isn't it?

Then there are the birthday prima donnas who make a VERY BIG DEAL (TM) about their own birthday. You know, the co-worker who celebrates her birthday (and it's usually a "her") like she's turning five instead of 35. Oh God, she actually wore a furry "Happy Birthday" tiara and a pink Princess Ariel "Birthday Girl" sash to work? Seriously? There had better be cake and presents or she's gonna have a huge tantrum, and don't expect her to work very hard because it's her "special day." It doesn't help your celebratory mood that the birthdayzilla in the next cubicle hung you out to dry on that project last year, and that you're actively competing with her for a promotion. Wow, fun party. Can I go back to my desk now?

On the other end of the spectrum are the cake-shy employees who don't like having their odometer rollovers pointed out at work because the inevitable question always arises after the awkward, off-key "Happy Birthday" chorus: "So how old ARE you?" Will you lie or say that you remember using rotary phones? Suddenly, you feel like a walking, talking age discrimination case waiting to happen. Just thinking about it makes you want to call in sick or use your birthday as a vacation day.

Not to say that you can't wish a co-worker "happy birthday" or take him or her out for lunch, but maybe there are a few benefits to the seemingly Draconian "trend" of ditching the pre-planned, staff-wide workplace birthday party routine? Princess Ariel in Accounts Receivable won't like it, but if the office forgets your birthday this year and it's okay with you, feel free to thank the Great Recession.

Friday Funnies: Work It, Bosom Buddies

2012-01-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

Have you watched the new ABC show Work It? I haven't either, but apparently it's not worth watching if you've read the reviews.

The plot goes something like this: Two men battered by the "mancession" decide to dress like women in order to land jobs. I think I liked it better when it was called Bosom Buddies starring Peter Scolari and a very young Tom Hanks, which, perhaps not coincidentally, was also an ABC show in the early 1980s. Only if I recall correctly, Scolari and Hanks were dressing as women to land a place to live. Hey, times do change. One man's job is another man's apartment, or something like that. They're interchangeable as long as you have lip gloss and big hair. Remember Benson?

Can Updating Your LinkedIn Profile Get You Fired?

2012-01-06T04:45:00.000-08:00

Are you in the process of updating your LinkedIn profile? Be careful, it might just get your fired.

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A British company executive claims he was fired for checking a box on his LinkedIn profile to indicate that he is/was interested in "career opportunities." Via Techworld:

The case highlights a grey area around employees' use of social networks such as LinkedIn. According to Kate Hodgkiss, Partner at law firm DLA Piper, employers have every right to seek to protect confidential company information by restricting LinkedIn and other profiles.

“Employers commonly place restrictions on what employees can disclose outside the company and restrictions on a LinkedIn profile are a logical extension of this,” she said.

However, organisations cannot prevent employees from looking for a new job.

So now you not only need to be careful about what you write on social media sites, you need to be careful about the boxes you check AND whether or not you can take your Twitter followers with you when you leave. Socializing never felt so stressful.

Report: U.S. Economy Gained 325,000 Jobs In December

2012-01-05T06:12:00.000-08:00

Someone at GOP headquarters is surely banging his or her head against a wall this morning because the ADP National Employment Report says U.S. private companies added a whopping 325,000 jobs last month.

Okay, maybe I'm being harsh. Or maybe not. I report, you decide. But it looks like we might finally be on the road to recovery? Or the ADP figure simply reflects seasonal temporary hiring, which means these workers are already back on the job hunt? These figures do have a habit of getting revised down when no one's looking.

Still, things seem to be moving in the right direction for the moment, and who can complain about it other than the GOP clown car? Hot off the ADP website:

ADP today reported that employment in the U.S. nonfarm private business sector increased by 325,000 from November to December on a seasonally adjusted basis. The estimated advance in employment from October to November was revised down slightly to 204,000 from the initially reported 206,000. The increase in December was the largest monthly gain since last December 2010 and nearly twice the average monthly gain since May when employment decelerated sharply.

Can the U.S. economy keep the momentum going or will Europe screw it all up? Will unemployed Americans over age 40 ever find another job that offers a pay and benefits package comparable to what they had before 2008? I'll leave these questions to grumpy economists because at the moment I can't afford the daycare to sit and ponder these questions in much detail. Plus, I'm thinking on my own dime, and I'm feeling cheap today. Thanks a lot, Great Recession.

Workplace Trends: The Self-sanitizing Keyboard

2012-01-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

Get ready to ditch the bottle of Lysol you keep underneath your desk, because the age of the self-sanitizing keyboard is finally here!

The FDA has just approved the Viogard Self Sanitizing Keyboard, which can kill up to 99.9% of keyboard germs using some sort of ultraviolet light technology -- or so the maker claims. Office germaphobes rejoice! However, a June 2011 study in the American Journal of Infection Control says Vioguard's keyboard is actually 67% effective in killing keyboard yuck, which means you might want to keep a bottle of Lysol/Fantastic/409/bleach spray on standby.

Still, such a product might keep employees from catching every single cold and case of pink eye that floats around the office. Score one for overall productivity! Pair it up with your bulletproof computer bag and you'll be impervious to anything the workplace throws at you. Almost. As ITWorld.com tells us:

According to lab studies funded by Irish office-supply company Viking, two thirds of the desks in an average office are infected with varieties of staphylococcus bacteria, a common bug that can cause anything from food poisoning to skin rashes to toxic shock.

More than half the desks showed traces of micrococcus, a bacterium that lives on human skin; 90 percent had bacillus subtilis, which is found in dirt and can cause food or blood poisoning.

A British study found keyboards in office buildings were host to five times as many bacteria as the average toilet in the same building.

Boy, I bet you can't wait to eat lunch at your desk while you surf the web, can you? Anyway, the co-worker who always makes you feel like a regular Typhoid Mary for using her keyboard is gonna love this product.

Want more workplace trends? Click here to read about bulletproof computer bags and here to read about the disappearing workplace birthday party.

Are Chinese Workers Opening the Window To Higher Electrical Bills?

2012-01-04T04:43:00.000-08:00

It turns out that Chinese workers are just like your relative who likes to run the air conditioning with the windows open when it's 90 degrees outside.

A new study of Chinese workplace behavior finds Chinese workers are fond of opening windows at work in the summertime when the air conditioning system is cranked on high. To be specific, they're opening 23% of all windows to get some "fresh air." Awesome. Goodbye, crisp HVAC air and hello, humidity and higher electrical bills! From a brief article on Appliancemagazine.com:

A study in China of workplace behavior related to the indoor environment found, among other things, that workers keep 23% of windows open for fresh air in the summer, even when air-conditioning is in operation.

Okay, this is largely redundant information because it's pretty much what I just told you, but it's instantly more credible because someone else said it. Hey, I'm a petite blond woman. Being asked, "Um, is there someone else I can run this past just to make sure?" when I knew I was right was the workplace status quo in my 20s and occasionally even now. Here's 6' 2" Dave, he can tell you what I just told you. C'est la vie. By the way, the study, entitled Occupants' Behavioural Adaptation In Workplaces With Non-central Heating And Cooling Systems, is supposed to run in the March 2012 issue of Applied Thermal Engineering.

Bottom line: If you work for a U.S. company with operations in China, then you might want to be aware of this trend/problem/issue -- whatever overly-used, fairly-nondescript word works for you. Man, I don't want to see your company's electrical bill.

Working Americans To Spend 2012 Whining How They Want A New Job

2012-01-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

The holidays are over, the kids are on the school bus, the GOP is still searching for someone electable, and it's time to make our homes look like...January.

Happy New Year, 2012!

We'll also be breaking our New Year's resolutions by the end of the week because we don't have the time, energy or focus to stick to them for more than a few days. And according to a still-active online poll on USA.gov, Americans' top three New Year's resolutions for 2012 are to get fit (a goal for 30% of survey takers as the numbers currently stand), to save money (29%) and to find a better job (24%), which means we won't be motivated to keep said resolutions past Saturday. That's roughly 96 hours from now, so you'd better get on that "better job" thing stat if you're going to make it happen.

Face it: 2012 is going to be the year of complaining loudly about our jobs if we still have one. Or at the very least, being forced to listen to one-quarter of our fellow co-workers tell us over and over again how they desperately want to "move on" when we all know these all-talk-but-no-action types won't be going anywhere except to the break room to refill their drinks. No, they'll just keep complaining about their jobs ALL YEAR LONG until we want to strangle them -- or ask gently what we can do to help them find a new job that's far, far away from us. So we say, "Help me, help you" when what we're really thinking is: I am out here, listening to you. You don't know what it's like to be me, out here, listening to you. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, okay? God, help me!

If this scenario isn't bad enough, our co-workers who don't spend January complaining about finding a better job will spend it whining about their finances while simultaneously feeling fat and guilty. A Workplace Options survey reveals 64% of employees will experience holiday-related financial stress this month, while more than two-thirds (69%) will be "concerned" that they didn't exercise enough over the break. Nearly one-third (31%) of employees will feel guilty that they abandoned their work responsibilities over the holidays.

Bitch, moan, bitch, moan, feel guilty -- rinse, wash, repeat. The problem is, no one else in the office wants to hear about it. Period. It's different when we complain because we have real things to complain about, but God help us we don't want to listen to Bob from accounting complain about his holiday-related love handles or his credit card bill or how Company X has a better benefits package and he's going to apply there for realsies this time. Just, please, stop.

Of course, Bob might just get a promotion instead, since LinkedIn deems January the number-one month for promotions. So he'll stick around to harp and carp, but he'll get a door to block out most of the griping. That is, unless your office has an open floor plan that allows whining and moaning employees extensive hacker-like free range roaming that makes it near impossible to get out of earshot. Feel free to add "office design trends" to your own list of complaints.

The Top 10 Top 10 Lists of 2011

2011-12-28T06:10:00.000-08:00

What are you working on this week? Not much? Yeah, neither are the rest of us.

It's the last week of the calendar year and everyone is feeling all kinds of lazy even if they don't want to admit it. The only things on our minds are the low-bar kinds of things such as hitting the after-Christmas sales, going for a quick jog that turns into a slow walk, working in some teevee viewing and wrangling the kiddos who are bouncing off the walls on winter break. Oh, and deciding whether to watch Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve or CNN's Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin. I'm leaning toward CNN, because shelling out for pricey New Year's Eve cover charges and a babysitter will have to wait until 2013. Or at the rate the economy is going, let's just say 2020. But so much for the life of this boring Gen Xer.

If you've scanned the media this week, you've surely seen a few year-end Top 10 lists that are a tried-and-true "evergreen" staple (a.k.a. we do this story every damn year) for tired, stressed-out journalists who just want to turn in some copy, any copy, by deadline so they can hit the after-Christmas sales, too. Let's just compile a random list of things that happened this year in some hastily-chosen category and then predict what will happen next year, shall we? Not what "might" happen, but what "will" happen because our executive editor hates weasel words. Don't let me down, Google search! Readers eat these lists up because they're as mindless to read this time of year as they are to write.

I should know, because I've written a few of these useless, let's-throw-Jell-O-at-the-wall fluff pieces myself. Occasionally, even for this blog. The myriad Top 10 lists for the coming year that are meted out in Friedman Units are always the best, aren't they? You do know that the writer was staring out the window the whole time thinking, "I still have to think of five more bullet-point examples and I'm running out of ideas and I just want to be done with this damn story already," right? Right. Reading any Top 10 list that predicts the future is like listening to the average political pundit, who we all know will be completely wrong in his or her predictions but somehow mysteriously still keeps getting a paycheck. The Iraq War will last only two months, really!

I'm feeling lazy this week just like everyone else, so what could be better than a list of the Top 10 Top 10 Lists of 2011? Sure, it's tongue-in-cheek, but unlike the average, currently-employed staff writer at least I can admit out loud that it's totally made up without much thought. Actually, I'm making it up with the help of family members who have been emailing me random Top 10 links as I sit here drinking coffee and downloading songs on iTunes. As Charlie Sheen would say: Winning! And really, does it matter which Top 10 lists one chooses for a year-end Top 10 Top 10 List list? No, it doesn't matter because it's all bogus, anyway. So without further ado, here are the Top 10 (randomly-generated) Top 10 Lists of 2011.

1. Top 12 unique business ideas! (okay, 12 is not 10, but whatevs)

2. Top 10 most effective ab exercises!

3. Top 10 teevee shows!

4. Top 10 political blunders of 2011!

5. Top 10 most pirated movies of 2011!

6. Top 10 most bizzare tech stories of 2011!

7. Top 10 trance DJs!

8. Top 10 Hollywood "quickie marriages"!

9. Top 10 coastal inns!

10. Top 10 animal stories of 2011!

Tomorrow I'll post my spouse's Top 10 List of Animals Playing With iPads to keep a lazy week rolling right along. I know! I can't wait, either.

The Oscar: Still Made In the USA

2011-12-28T04:14:00.000-08:00

And the Oscar goes to...American labor!

The Oscars are right around the corner, and all those little golden statues hoisted overhead by a bunch of self-important, long-winded Hollywood actors will continue to be made by the employees of Chicago manufacturer R.S. Owens & Company, whose employees just inked a new work contract:

Fifty Teamsters with R.S. Owens & Company in Chicago voted overwhelmingly to ratify their first new contract in four years. The three-year agreement includes the workers' first new wage increases since 2006. The raises will be retroactive to the previous contract's expiration on Nov. 14, with average hourly wages between $13-$14.

"Many of the men and women who make these awards have done so for 30 years, and the Teamsters are proud to continue this rich tradition," said Donnie Von Moore, President of Teamsters Local 743, which represents the workers. "Our members voluntarily worked shorter hours for the better part of a year to help R.S. Owens save money, and we're pleased their hard work and dedication to the craft have not gone unnoticed."

R.S. Owens & Company also makes statues for the MTV Awards, the Emmys and the Academy of Country Music Awards, as well as replica statues of the Super Bowl trophy. Neat, huh? As you watch the orchestra play someone off the stage who makes more in five hours than you will in a lifetime, at least you'll know the statues they're holding are Made In the USA. Take us out, Angelina Jolie.

Workplace Trends: The Bulletproof Computer Bag

2011-12-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

The workplace can be a tense place these days, what with worried, overworked employees and layoffs and all. So why not arm your remaining employees with bulletproof computer bags or "padfolios," just in case something bad happens?

It's part of the thinking behind a new product line from O'Fallon, Missouri company Discreet Body Armor LLC, whose owner, Tom Griffin, says that he's already sold out his current stock of bulletproof briefcases and padfolios not once, but twice. A sign of the times, I suppose. As Missouri teevee station KSDK reports:

The company that hired Griffin, asked him to recommend a product that could better protect employees in the event of a shooting. Griffin says he didn't find a product he was satisfied with, which led him to bulletproof computer bags and padfolios. Griffin says they chose items that are often carried to board meetings. He says he recommends the products to those employees who are considered "greatest risk," such as management and human resource personnel. He says those are the employees that are often targeted in workplace shootings.

Will the computer-bag-as-bulletproof-vest become the hot, new workplace trend for 2012? Who knows, but a little bit of James Bond might be coming to the average workplace. Video at 11.

Corporate Holiday E-cards Leaving Us Less Than E-xcited

2011-12-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

Corporate holiday e-cards have been arriving in my email box over the last few weeks. The problem is, I still can't decide whether or not I like this modern holiday ritual.

The ritual goes something like this: You check your email to find a message with the subject header "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!" from a company you've worked with in the past, however tenuously. You open it up, scan the message with its pretty holiday artwork (or maybe you don't even go that far...), and then decide whether or not to delete it. Do I want to let it roll off my screen until I scroll back over it in the Spring and wonder why I've kept it this long? Hmmm. Then again, deleting it right away can feel slightly wrong, too. After all, the company remembered you and it took the time to electronically send its good wishes. That's nice, right? Right?

The holiday e-card has its pros and cons. One the one hand -- as I've just said -- it's always nice to be remembered, and sending holiday greetings electronically is surely saving a few trees somewhere. The environment thanks us, and how. On the other hand, being told "season's greetings" by email is less...what's the word I'm looking for...meaningful somehow? I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting old, but the whole practice of e-cards still rings hollow to me and I'm not the only one who feels this way.

This doesn't mean companies can't put together a bang-up holiday e-card. A friend of mine says that the best corporate e-card he's gotten this year is from MWG Operon, whose simply-worded e-card wishes the company's customers and their families a happy and peaceful holiday season and says that the money that would have been shelled out on holiday cards and postage will be donated to UNICEF, the Japanese Red Cross and a few other charities. The message was extremely short and to the point. My friend thought it was clever and very well done. "Lots of times, I read these e-cards and think 'pffft' and just delete it. All corporate holiday cards are just an extension of the company's marketing strategy, anyway," this jaded fellow Gen Xer told me. "But I thought it was cool that this company said straight up that it was making a donation, and it kept its message very brief."

My friend hits on some very important points. If you're going to send a corporate e-card, aim for brevity. It doesn't hurt, either, to say how the company will redirect the money it would have spent on cards and postage this year (c-suite bonuses don't count). Simply put, if you're going to go electronic, then you're going to have to work harder to get the reader's attention because we're all drowning in email. We need a good reason to pay attention to your message.

Paying attention was never a problem for my World War II-era parents, who relished each holiday card that arrived in their mailbox -- the real kind, not Outlook Express. And being members of the It's A Wonderful Life, I-grew-up-with-my-neighbors generation, they received a lot of cards for many decades. "Isn't that nice," my mother would coo as she taped yet another Christmas card to the back of our front door so that everyone could admire it, and by this time of year the door was covered top to bottom in holiday cards. I'm not sure how this tradition came to be in my parents' household, but looking back it's a very nice memory. As I sit here, I'm a bit envious of my parents' generation and its tangible holiday card collections. It was a ritual filled with meaning and good tidings. A hard-copy reminder of enduring friendships.

But the younger, mobile, social media-driven generations aren't spending their time licking envelopes. In fact, a lot of my Gen X friends don't even send holiday cards anymore. Why bother when you can just write "Merry Christmas, everyone!!!" on Facebook and be done with it? Or post the YouTube link to Jose Feliciano's Feliz Navidad? And for some people, even that's expending a little too much effort.

Not surprisingly, greeting card sales are down. The greeting card industry expects to sell about 1.5 billion holiday cards this year compared to 2.7 billion greeting cards in 2001. The terrible recession can't be helping sales, because many greeting cards can be mind-blowingly overpriced. Do we buy the kids a few more presents or shell out for holiday cards and postage? Not a hard choice on a very tight budget.

So what's to become of the holiday card tradition? E-cards and Facebook status updates would look a bit funny taped to the back of one's front door, but increasingly that's what we're stuck with here in the 21st Century. Sigh. Well, at least it's better than getting a layoff greeting card in the mail. It's always important to be thankful, especially in this economy.

Smartphones Stressing Employees Out, Employers Encouraging Smartphones

2011-12-21T04:43:00.000-08:00

It blows being a journalist this time of year. Almost everyone you call is out of the office, either physically or mentally, and the business memes of the week turn tame and lame because public relations people, understandably, don't want to release their best stuff when no one is paying attention.

The only thing that vaguely interests me this morning -- other than the craven, unprincipled House GOP sticking it to the average American right before Christmas -- is a business meme involving employee smartphone use.

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Employees want to use their personal mobile devices on the job, and they wish their employers would finally cross that bridge to the 21st Century by letting them do it. Well, it looks like employers are finally caving in and letting employees go BYOD (Bring Your Own Devices) so they can drown themselves in useless terabytes of information and misinform each other via social media. Great. It sounds like both sides are finally meeting halfway, right?

But wait a second: Now the BYOD "trend" is stressing employees out of their freaking minds because they don't want to be available via smartphone or tablet 24/7/365. Geez, does my boss always have to text me while I'm watching Jeopardy? Really? Can I see a little daylight between home and work, please? Thanks.

So which one is it? Do employees (and employers) want to be all mobile, all the time or do they want to be left alone? I don't think anyone has found the perfect balance between home and work amid all these mobile technologies, but if I have to honk my horn at another driver who is still checking his or her smartphone obliviously five seconds after the light turns green I'm going to scream. One banana, two banana...five banana. Honk!

What I think is going on is that employees want to use their mobile devices on their own terms. The problem is, each employee has his or her own terms. Mobile "freedom" is an individual concept. What is "intrusive" and "off the clock" and "mine" to one employee will be different for another. So where do employers draw the line (or lines)? Good question. Maybe we'll figure it out in 2012. Okay, probably not, but I sure hope people will learn to put down their smartphones and hit the gas pedal as soon as the light turns green.

Do You Work With A Procrastinator?

2011-12-19T04:39:00.000-08:00

I walked into a business the other day and noticed that it had a "star customers" wall of honor, complete with smiling photos of said customers. Then I looked up to see that the sign read "Our Star Customers Of 2005-06." Wait a second: 2005-06? It's safe to say that someone in the office has been procrastinating.

It got me thinking about procrastination in the workplace. Well, that and the fact that I still have to buy one more Christmas present to send to the West Coast. Why has it taken me so long to get around to this task? Wishful thinking? A lack of organization? Various distractions? All of the above. The point is, we all procrastinate. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. Us. Yes, that means you, too. It's just that the things we procrastinate on tend to differ.

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But what if you have to work alongside a procrastinator? I'm not talking about the occasional procrastinator who always drags his or her feet on a dreaded task, which is pretty much all of us. No, I'm talking about the never-seems-to-get-around-to-it-by-deadline employee. Of course, in this terrible economy companies can drop these postponing employees faster than Kobe Bryant is about to lose half of his fortune, but sometimes they inexplicably stick around the office for years and years and years. On that note, sometimes the procrastinator is the boss. Fun times, people, fun times.

By the way, people who visit this blog semi-regularly may have noticed that I've been doing a "do you work with a ____" series over the last several months. One day, I realized I was tripping over ten years' worth of boxed-up magazines to get to the desk in my home office and, well, why was I doing that? We live in the digital age now and most of these stories are online. So in a desperate attempt to avoid another sprained ankle, I went though each magazine (hey, I'm currently underemployed, I have the time), clipped out my by-lined articles and recycled all but 10 to 15 of the magazines that I want to save for posterity for whatever reason. It was like recycling a small forest. Anyway, one of the articles was a management column about -- you guessed it -- managing the procrastinating employee that I wrote nearly a decade ago when Americans had real jobs and could use their homes as piggie banks. Home values will always go up, forever and ever! Ah, memories.

But the column still has some relevant, practical points after all these years. Plus, it's the Monday before Christmas and no one is really working very hard -- including me -- so let's run with it, shall we?

So how to deal with procrastinators at work? Hmmm. First, it's important to understand why this employee is procrastinating. Not that you have to turn into an amateur psychologist or anything, but it's not a bad idea to stop and ponder. Does the employee have poor time management skills? Does he or she get psyched out by certain assignments, dislikes certain tasks, or generally looks burned out? Is this person a passive-aggressive personality? This employee could be displaying a combination of all of the above or at the very least, has crummy time management skills.

It seems counter-intuitive, but don't nag the procrastinator because it'll only make this employee dig in his or her heels. Also, stop focusing on the project's end point (er, deadline) because it'll make him or her focus on the seemingly wide expanse between Point A (having the task dropped on lap) and Point B (the deadline). One expert I interviewed said to use what I'll call a "ready, set, go" approach where you pick a starting time and have the employee start the project for 30 minutes and drop you a note saying that all systems are go. Not a terrible idea, because getting started is often the hardest part, right? In fact, not starting is the very essence of procrastination. That's how you end up touting your star customers of 2005-06 in 2011.

Now for the best part (to those populating the non-management ranks): Maybe the manager is the problem by setting too many arbitrary deadlines at once, asking for status updates constantly, and slapping every single thing with an "urgent" label. But if everything is always "urgent," then nothing is urgent anymore. Employees will start to see the boss as the boy (or girl) who cried wolf. They will bank on the boss forgetting the fifth "urgent" deadline of the day. In other words, they'll think some of (most of?) the manager's deadlines aren't all that serious. So if you have a few chronic procrastinators on staff, make sure to do a 360 review that includes your own management style. Are you making the procrastination problem worse by muddying the managerial waters? Just a suggestion.

Now off to work you go! I'm off to the online store to take care of something I should have done weeks ago. Well, it's the thought that counts, right?

Friday Funnies: A Herman Cain Christmas

2011-12-16T12:45:00.000-08:00

Gather round kids with your Snuggies and smores, because ex-presidential candidate Herman Cain has just released a Christmas video called "It's Christmas In America" where he and his wife read scripture by an open fire. No, really! And like me, you might find it about three minutes too long.

Joblessness Now Leading Cause Of Getting the Poors

2011-12-16T04:44:00.000-08:00

Unemployment is now the leading cause of hunger in the United States, followed by poverty, low wages, and high housing costs, according to a new report from the U.S. Conference of Mayors.

Th USCM report focuses on 29 U.S. cities that make up the organization's Task Force on Hunger and Homelessness. Survey participants were asked for details on the emergency food assistance and homeless services provided by their cities between September 2010 and August 2011.

Conclusion: It's really bad out there, folks. USCM tells us that all but four of the survey cities saw requests for emergency food assistance increase over the last twelve months. In fact, emergency food assistance requests increased by an average of 15.5%. Of the people who had to rely on food donations over the last year, 51% were families; 26% were employed; 19% were elderly; and 11% were homeless.

That's right: Slightly more than one-quarter of people seeking food assistance over the last year were employed. You can download the full report here.

And if you didn't catch this recent 60 Minutes report about formerly middle class homeless families living in cars because all of the shelters are full, it's worth your time. Heartbreaking.

Technology Trends: One-quarter Of Europeans Have Never Used the Internet

2011-12-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

As you curse your computer for running too slowly, consider this new statistic: 25% of Europeans have never used the Internet. Ever.

More than 100 million Europeans haven't surfed, clicked, linked, tweeted, updated, shopped, sexted while driving, whatever. A pretty amazing thought, eh? Around half (give or take) of the people in Romania, Bulgaria, Portugal, Cyprus and Greece have never surfed the web, as well as 36% of Spaniards.

Europe's Internet usage leaders, meanwhile, are Finland, Denmark, Sweden, Luxembourg and the Netherlands.

As you imagine not being able to access your favorite "I Can Haz Cheezburger?" websites while you pretend to work (or hunt for work), feel free to access the full report, courtesy of Eurostat.

And don't overlook the 30% of Americans who still don't have any Internet access, especially in this economy. Six in 10 U.S. households with annual incomes below $25,000 do not have wired Internet access at home right now, according to new figures from the U.S. Department of Commerce. But 93% of American households earning more than $100,000 a year are busy surfing, clicking, linking, tweeting, updating, shopping, sexting while driving, whatever. So we have our own digital divide to worry about, don't we?

Breaking News: Employees Don't Understand Their Health Benefits

2011-12-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

Today we learn that STDs are rising rapidly in the over-50 crowd, which somehow seems sort of surprising. What's not surprising, however, is a new ADP survey that says more than one-third of employees don't know anything about their health benefits.

According to the press release:

A new ADP® survey shows a wide gap between the goals and reality of how employees understand their benefit plans. Eighty percent of HR decision makers believe it's important for employees to fully understand their benefit options, yet they estimate only about 60% of their own employees do – a finding with serious implications for how companies communicate one of the most important parts of their employees' total compensation.

"With many employees asked to take on greater responsibility for managing their own benefits, there is room for improvement by HR departments to engage employees in the decision-making process," said Tim Clifford, President of Benefits Services at ADP, Inc., a leading provider of human resources management, payroll and benefits administration services. "With the power of web-based and mobile technologies and decision support tools, we have new, innovative and cost-effective ways of educating employees and helping them make critical choices anytime and anywhere."

And the information gap isn't likely to improve: ADP tells us that two-thirds (66%) of midsized employers and more than one-third (36%) of large employers don't have a communications budget for helping employees better understand their benefits.

So as you sit online at work getting lost clicking random links on the health provider's website trying to see which doctors are in network, just know that you're not alone because at least four in 10 of your co-workers don't know what they're doing, either. But everything's online, which is supposed to make the whole process innovative, convenient and easier, right? Right. Easier and convenient for who, though? That's the real question.

Federal Government Still Trying To Define "Cyber Professional"

2011-12-14T05:02:00.000-08:00

Federal employees want their cyber job titles and they want them now, according to Nextgov.com:

The fundamental problem contributing to a human capital crisis in the embryonic field is the inability of agencies to agree on what constitutes a cyber professional, according to federal officials. Without a standard definition, current counts on staffing levels and skills gaps are misrepresentative, the Government Accountability Office reported last month. Until agencies are comparing apples to apples in terms of cyber jobs data, the Obama administration will flounder building a workforce large enough and capable enough to respond to growing threats from nation states, hacktivists and insiders, federal officials say.

"A human capital crisis in the embryonic field"? Wow, that's a mouthful. Government employees are all about their job titles and pay grades, though, and so the federal government better settle on some job titles and job descriptions if it wants to -- let me put on my former workplace columnist hat here -- "get more talent in the pipeline." And keep us safe.

I'm taking my columnist hat off now because it's gotten rather dusty. Plus, wearing it means I must conform to modern business speak where I'm doomed to write trite, overused phrases such as "get more talent in the pipeline," and where's the fun in that? Answer: There is no fun in that. I need more coffee.

Five Tips For Surviving the Company Potluck

2011-12-13T05:03:00.000-08:00

Is your office having a holiday potluck this year? Yes? My condolences.

I always feel a certain amount of trepidation whenever I'm facing down a large potluck spread of homemade items prepared by God Knows Who. As I gaze down into the casserole dish boasting ingredients I kind of sort of recognize (hmm, is that spinach?), I'm lost in my own 8" x 12" pan of panic-induced pondering. Who made this? How was it prepared? What's in it? Are any of the ingredients expired? Did a cat, dog or toddler sneak a lick or pick when the cook wasn't looking? And the biggie: Will I get sick if I eat it?

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The rational side of me knows that the mystery meat peeking out from underneath the undetermined red sauce in the 9" x 17" baking pan is most likely fine, and it's not like I'm wandering into the kitchen at my favorite casual dining establishments to watch the food preparers do their jobs. But still: I have a far higher trust of restaurant-prepared food than potluck food, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a fear of the unknown? My potluck-loving friends think I'm sort of weird -- a few of them literally gasped when I shared my fear of potlucks -- but I've simply never felt like there is a pot of gold awaiting me at the end of this committee-mandated culinary rainbow. A stomach ache or foodborne illness, maybe, but not much else.

Go ahead and put me on the record as saying the office potluck is a ritual to be endured, not embraced.

Companies, however, aren't about to stick a fork in this tired tradition because they can save a chunk of money by having employees go BYOD (Bring Your Own Dish). Paranoid potluck haters -- a desperate, silent group comprised of more people than one might think -- can feel like sending out an urgent SOS as soon as they get the memo to bring a huge appetite and a hamburger tater tot casserole. So...how to deal, especially this time of year? Here are my five tips for surviving the company potluck:

1. Eat beforehand. You forgot about the potluck and you're already full. So sorry! You shouldn't have gone to Quizno's beforehand, right? Oh, well, maybe next year. (Not.) For now, you'll just grab a soda and watch your co-workers graze on that homemade sweet potato garnish dish. Oh, are those store-bought cookies? You can always make room for dessert...

2. Bring something store-bought. On that note, go ahead and bring something you bought at the store. There's no shame in it anymore -- really! You're a busy professional who has better things to do than to remember how to use an oven. Okay, the office cooks will look down their noses at you but you'll increase the chances of certainty and your fellow potluck-hating co-workers will love you for it. Anyone with allergies will appreciate having a few nutrition facts boxes to read, too. Stand back and bask in the warm glow of watching your chosen item get snapped up faster than a loose football in a championship game. Think of it this way: You're on a mission to make it okay to buy instead of bake. Feels good, doesn't it?

3. Say you're on a "special diet." I'd love to try some of your macaroni salad, but I'm on a quote-unquote special diet! Suddenly you can't eat, well, most of anything and it just so happens to be company potluck day. Funny how things work out. You might also say that you're starting a diet or "watching your weight" and then hope your co-workers will overlook the bag of Bugles you snarfed down yesterday at your desk. If anyone asks for details, make them up as you go along. For you, talking means you're not eating. Sure, you're potentially telling a white lie, but we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic so if anyone gives you any crap about not wanting to eat your weight in cream of chicken soup just cite a few national statistics. You're welcome.

4. Arrive late to avoid the stampede. You're running late because you were "on the phone with a customer" or "had to take care of something." By the time you arrive, the potluck will be pretty picked over since your co-workers will have been through the line at least once. You'll have to settle for the last slice of Domino's pizza. Darn it! Go ahead and take one for the team. At most workplaces, arriving 10 minutes late should suffice.

5. Aim for small portions. We've all done it: You fill your plate with food, nosh on something that tastes like wallboard, and then wish you hadn't put so much of it on your plate. It's Murphy's Law that the potluck item that takes up the most room on your plate is the one you'll like the least, too. Suddenly, you feel incredibly conspicuous, especially to the cook who made the dish. Will she notice that I hate what she made? So, so busted. Soggy Chinet plate full of food meet overflowing garbage can when no one is looking. Next time, go small and then go home -- or through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

Don't worry; you'll survive. Now get to work on your company potluck avoidance plan. Don't be afraid to get creative. Good luck.

Is the Office Rainmaker Drowning You In Despair?

2011-12-12T04:48:00.001-08:00

If you work alongside a superstar rainmaker and you've given up trying to compete, then this blog post is for you.

Ah, the sweet feeling of frustration in knowing you'll never, ever be able to outshine your gold-plated co-worker no matter how hard you try! You'll always be Jan to his or her Marcia, a solid middle performer (whose depressing work lives I've explored) destined to get good-but-not-great job reviews and the occasional pat on the back from the boss. But you'll never get your One Shining Moment (TM) in the office Olympics because your superstar co-worker will always win the gold medal. And I mean always.

In a miracle situation where you actually do win the week's gold medal, your boss will still see you as someone of silver or bronze-medal caliber. Her performance this week must have been a fluke, but we'll give her a nice golf clap and a gift card to keep her motivated because I don't want her to quit and make me read an entire stack of resumes that I don't have time to read.

Speaking of golf, it's part of the reason for this post. A Northwestern University study entitled Quitters Never Win: The (Adverse) Incentive Effects Of Competing With Superstars tells the defeated middle performer what he or she always knows: When faced with a superstar co-worker/prodigy, you're gonna give up trying as hard after awhile. It's going to happen, because you realize you're never going to win. Period.

As stated in the title, the study explores the (adverse) effects of this, er, "phenomenon" by taking a look at the insanely talented professional golfers who competed against a pre-scandal Tiger Woods. It concludes they competed less hard whenever Woods was on the green in his prime. An average of 0.2 strokes worse, to be exact. Thanks for playing, next!

So watch out bosses: Pitting your star employee against everyone else in the company or department can have ill side effects, from lower morale to people not trying as hard anymore. Talk to your doctor before starting a beat-down metrics regimen, or something like that.

On a good note, the researchers have given this sorry state of office ennui a name. They're calling it the "the Tiger Woods effect." And with Tiger Woods making a comeback, the label might come in handy.

So what about all you solid middle performers limping through this recession? Hey, don't write yourself off yet; it's only in your head that you feel left out and put down on. Just try your best, try everything you can. And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away. Thanks for the good work advice, Jimmy Eat World.

Will the Employee Of the Future Disappear Into the Clouds?

2011-12-09T04:51:00.001-08:00

Someday you'll visit a museum with your grandchildren, who will point to a display and ask, "What's that?" to which you'll reply: "Oh, that's what we used to call an employee. They worked in offices. At desks. Then one day they all disappeared into the cloud and we didn't need them anymore." Say it ain't so.

The workplace of the future will have no employees and you can blame it on "cloud" computing, according to an Arnnet.com article:

Employees as an entity will become a relic of the past and instead pave the way for an army of 'free agents' that will bond into more inclusive and collaborative teams, according to VMware.

...The panel expects that the term "employee" will probably disappear in the second half of the 21st century as workers transition into becoming their own business, with full time workers being replaced with part-timers and freelancers who will negotiate with other businesses on a contractual basis.

This new order, which emphasises payment for "outputs not inputs," is already rearing its head in the local job market, with the Internet-savvy "net generation" already headlining this dramatic shift in the workforce.

Hmm, where have I heard this talk of an "army of free agents" before? Ah, yes. Back in 1999, when all of us late-blooming, Netscape-using Gen Xers thought free agentry was going to take over the world. It was the dawn of a new day. Combine self-sufficiency with the power of the Internet, and nobody would need to trek to an office ever again. We could all become lazy millionaires who sat around the house working a little bit here and there on whatever we felt like when we weren't buying kitty litter online for direct shipment to our doorsteps -- the latter a business model that made about as much sense to me back then as short-sleeved turtlenecks and toe rings. Remember when we used to refer to each other as netizens? How cute!

So will "employees as an entity" disappear into the cloud as part of some "new order" of working? Well, I for one am still waiting for the first free agent nation revolution where everyone was supposed to cut the apron strings to full-time employment during the dot-com boom. After all the hype, it never happened. In fact, fewer Americans are freelancing now compared to a few years ago, according to government statistics.

So forgive me for doubting that a free agent nation revolution will ever truly happen, (free agent guru Daniel Pink agrees with me, apparently) because the vast majority of (sane) people would still prefer the perceived stability of full-time employment through someone else to the inherent instability of being a free agent. It doesn't matter if we're talking about the net, the cloud or a one-cup coffee maker, which, by the way, is a more recent innovation that makes absolutely no sense to me, either. Who wants to brew one cup of coffee at a time? Talk about a waste of good bean, not to mention coffee filters. Brewing coffee in my hotel room is becoming an exercise in frustration.

Anyway, there will always be free agents, but never enough to field an entire nation. Technology will never set us all free in that way. But it's nice to live with our heads in the clouds every once in awhile, isn't it?

Oh No, Workplace Robot Growth Has Best Quarter In Six Years

2011-12-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

First they eat old people's medicines for fuel and now they're taking over the workplace.

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, because companies are liking themselves some workplace robots! According to a story on Seekingalpha.com:

The robotics sector just experienced its best quarter in six years after a great 2010. Last year saw a 94% increase in North American shipments of multi-purpose industrial robots, rising to a total of 16,356 new shipments. This only slightly lagged the 2010 worldwide industrial growth of 97% to 118,337 units shipped.

Japan remains the world leader in workplace robotic shipments, followed by South Korea and North America. North America, however, now ranks second in terms of estimated "operational stock of industrial robots," which I presume refers to robots that are actually in use. Robots don't take vacations, they don't complain or sabotage their employers and, best of all, they don't require any health coverage, only an extended warranty. A bit hard to compete, isn't it?

So, there you go. Just like Will Farrell, I've always wondered what Styx was thinking, too.

New Report On Workplace Depression Sure Is Depressing

2011-12-08T04:55:00.000-08:00

How much is mental illness costing your company? Chances are, more than you think.

The Global Business and Economic Roundtable on Addiction and Mental Health in Canada is releasing a report today that calls mental illness in the workplace a "tsunami of economic loss" that is costing Canada at least $51 billion (U.S.) in lost GDP every year thanks to depression and anxiety disorders. The number skyrockets to $1 trillion (U.S.) in lost GDP when North America and Europe are included. Talk about a Great Depression.

The current state of the economy is taking its toll on stressed-out employees. The report estimates that one-quarter of Canadian employees are depressed, as well as one-quarter of American employees. In Europe, nearer to one-third (30%) of employees are suffering from depression.

The Global Business and Economic Roundtable on Addiction and Mental Health in Canada will be promoting a 10-year, $10-billion government and corporate plan for curing depression and improving workplace mental health throughout the United States, Canada and Great Britain. As Canada's Globe And Mail reports:

Michael Wilson knows the staggering personal and economic toll of mental illness.

Sixteen years after his severely depressed 29-year-old son Cameron killed himself, the former federal finance minister, diplomat and Bay Street executive is calling on Corporate Canada to do its part to wipe out the scourge of mental illness in the workplace.

Mr. Wilson said embracing the cause is just good business as he wrapped up a dozen years of work with the Global Business and Economic Roundtable on Addiction and Mental Health.

"The senior people, senior executive team have got to recognize that this is an illness, it's an illness that affects a significant percentage of their employees," he said in a telephone interview on Wednesday. "And I think what people have to realize and accept that it is an illness, it's a disease, it's not a weakness."

Thank you, Canada, for recognizing mental illness as an illness to be treated instead of a moral failure to be fired for. You can access the full report here.

Study: Americans Still Trying To Find Their Way Back To Stability

2011-12-07T07:04:00.000-08:00

Since it's almost a presidential election year, I'll go ahead and ask: Are you better off than you were four years ago?

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No? The Heldrich Center For Workforce Development at Rutgers University has just released a report that's well worth a glance. The researchers have been following a group of unemployed Americans since 2009 and recently asked them to re-assess their financial situation, lifestyle changes, and "permanence of condition," meaning whether or not they see their current situation as temporary or permanent.

In a finding that is completely not shocking, the vast majority report that they are not better off than they were four years ago. Only 7% surveyed say they've "made it all the way back" to where they were before the financial crisis, while nearly one-quarter (23%) describe themselves as "on the way back." One-third (33%) place themselves in the "downsized" category. But it doesn't stop there: Another one-fifth (20%) describe their lives as "devastated," and 15% simply say their lives are "wrecked." This recession is far from over for far too many people who feel stuck in an old Jefferson Starship song.

I could go on and on, but it would take away from your reading time. Here's the report.

Employees' Holiday Wish List? Just Show Them the Money

2011-12-07T04:50:00.000-08:00

If you're struggling to come up with a "nice" employee holiday gift this year, just make it easy on yourself and open your wallet.

Employees just want cold, hard cash this year. A year-end bonus, a grocery gift card or an annual gym membership will do just fine, thank you. If you buy the results of a new Glassdoor.com survey that is. For managers, it means no fuss, no muss, no need to wrap anything. Just show them the money! Doesn't it make you feel good just to say that?

In a sort of workplace Mars vs. Venus thing, Glassdoor.com also broke down the results by gender. So what kinds of company holiday gifts are the X and Y chromosomes craving this year? In sum, men want stock options while women want grocery gift cards. Why roll the dice on potentially become a millionaire someday when there's a sale on chicken and beans this week? Practicality, thy name is woman. Well, not always, but at least in this particular survey.

Another thing I find interesting is that only 4% surveyed want a company holiday party, even if it boasts an open bar. We've gone over the perils of the company holiday party scene, and it isn't very pretty. If you do go, be a good boy or girl, will you?

All Hail the Age Of the Floating Workplace

2011-12-06T04:52:00.000-08:00

Larry King tells us that he wants to be frozen, Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump would like to hand poor kids a mop, and now an entrepreneur wants to anchor large ships just outside U.S. waters that will house foreign workers and help companies get around strict visa quotas. Oh, great.

According to a Smartplanet.com article:

One entrepreneur, however, has come up with an interesting workaround to the challenge [of the H1-b visa cap]: anchor a large ship off the coast of San Fransisco [sic], in international waters, and recruit professionals from other nations to work on board.

Blueseed, a startup incubator (and startup itself), proposes to set such a ship afloat as a "high-tech visa-free entrepreneurship and technology incubator on an ocean vessel in international waters." The ship will be positioned as "a short ferry ride away from Silicon Valley so that great ideas and talent from around the world can live, work, and play while having convenient access to the San Francisco Bay Area." International entrepreneurs and professionals would be able to use tourist or short-term business visas — which are easier to obtain the work visas — to take regular jaunts to the mainland.

Work, exciting and new. Come ashore, we're expecting you. And work, life's sweetest reward, let it float, it floats back to you. The Work Boat soon will be making another run. The Work Boat promises something for everyone! Well, everyone except for you, because you thought you were competing against workers coming to the United States on jumbo aircraft for the jobs that haven't already been off-shored, but now you might get to watch foreign workers cruise into your local harbor, get off the boat and go to work as tourists. The job you could have had will no longer be shipped overseas, it will be shipped to shore!

There are many, many questions here. Are foreign "tourists" on tourist and short-term business visas able to work in the United States? Is this even possible? Wouldn't a cruise ship(s) incur quite large overhead costs? What, if any, labor rules would apply to these ships as well as to the workers? Will these working tourists be issued cameras and Bermuda shorts along with their security badges and then haphazardly cross the streets while angry, impatient drivers honk at them? Sorry, I think I've lived in D.C. too long. Anyway, I have a feeling many frustrated U.S. job seekers will probably hope this idea sinks.

Should Working Moms' Salary Packages Include A Maid And Nanny?

2011-12-05T04:56:00.001-08:00

An Australian publisher has uttered something American women have wanted to say for a very, very long time: Hey boss, can I get a little more help around the house?

Ita Buttrose, founder and publisher of a magazine American women have never heard of called Cleo, says that women should insist that their employers subsidize a nanny and housekeeper as a part of their overall salary package. Forget the sleek company car and plentiful stock options and give all the single ladies who have turned into bitter ladies what they really, really want: An in-home babysitter and a maid. We want our nanny culture and we want it now!

As Australia's Sunday Mail reports:

The publishing queen said if Australia adopted more of a nanny culture, it would help women stay in work, continue to climb the corporate ladder and snare the chief executive's role.

"I am a great believer in packages that include some support for the mother, whether it is a nanny or a housekeeper or whatever," she said.

"You might not get the shares, or you might not get the car, but you balance one out against the other. Of course companies can do it.

"Women who want to continue their careers and have families should ask for that package from their employer and the workplace needs to think about how they are going to offer it."

Of course companies can do it. Hear that, employers? Molly Maid is waiting for your call.

If I say anything more I'll wade right into the middle of the sanctimonious mommy wars, and I don't have time to do that right now because my preschooler will be waking up any second. Regular babysitting has gotten too expensive ever since story pay rates descended into the price-of-a-pack-of-gum territory. We self-employed moms need the babysitting time to drum up the work and the work to pay for the babysitting time. I'm a walking, blogging Catch-22 these days, but it's nice to spend more time with the kids, too. So, argue among yourselves. Let me know if you find the answer.

Dumb Ideas: Rocket Man And His Leaf Blower

2011-12-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

This takes spinning your wheels to a whole new level.

The 10 Dirty Secrets Of Secret Santa Giving

2011-12-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

It's time for Secret Santas! Yeah, I know. Let's all think it together: Oh God, I don't have time for this crap.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the "Secret Santa" tradition, it goes something like this: Everyone in the office (or department) draws the name of a co-worker out of a bag. Or maybe your office has another way of pairing people up. Anyway, each employee is then responsible for secretly leaving small gifts for their chosen co-worker over the course of a work week. Employees spend their own money but are asked to keep their spending below a specific dollar amount, usually no more than $25. On the last day (Friday) there's the BIG REVEAL when everyone gives their biggest gift and finds out who's been putting candy and other crap on their desks when they left to go to the bathroom. Oh, it was yoooou! I thought so!

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But maybe we're not as "into" this tradition as in year's past? A new Consumer Reports survey finds 35 million Americans will despise "having to be nice" to other people over the holidays. Bah, humbug. Screw you and your Secret Santa gifts, too. Hey, it's a recession, people!

Amid all the "how-to" business stories about Secret Santa giving this week, no one is talking about the dirty little secrets that come into play as this tired holiday cliche plays out in the workplace. As I noted last year, what if Jane in accounting doesn't like cranberry-scented mini candles or reindeer-shaped plastic cookie cutters? Secret Santa is just another thing to have to remember during December. From lazy gift givers to envy rearing its ugly head, the Secret Santa tradition can also become a minefield of poor employee morale that lasts at least until Valentine's Day. Without further delay, here are the 10 dirty secrets of Secret Santa giving:

1. Someone will go overboard. This employee didn't get the memo about spending $25 maximum. So you get five Hershey's Kisses and a Bic Pen while your co-worker gets a beautiful vase filled with the good candies, a nice note and a $5 coffee gift card. And that's just on Monday. Your co-worker is over the moon, of course, but you feel nothing but cheated even if your gift isn't half bad, which brings me to Dirty Secret #2.

2. Someone will be a cheap bastard. Don't spend more than $25? Hahaha. Get real! This employee isn’t going to spend more than $5. Total. All week. Goodbye World Market and hello dollar store, where the things are cheap and sure to break within a week. The recipient feels the cheapness and suspects this co-worker is simply re-gifting the things he or she got for Christmas last year. A chipped snowman figurine made in China? Wow, thanks.

3. Someone will forget. This overworked employee suddenly remembers that he forgot to leave a gift on your desk and it's almost quitting time. So he walks next door to the 7-Eleven to see what he can find, or he buys something from the vending machine. If he's more on his game, he picks up something at the gas station convenience mart on his way to work or he'll wrap some swag he still has in his desk from last year's conference. And don't get too high and mighty ladies over what a forgetful jerk he is, because we know your Secret Santa gifts were free with purchase.

4. Someone will complain about getting shafted. This employee goes on and on about how this year's Secret Santa is so lame. Last year's Secret Santa was awesome and gave a ton of better bling. And last year's big Friday reveal gift was absolutely to die for! This year's Secret Santa overhears the ingratitude (or hears about it second-hand), promptly gets pissed off, stops trying and that's how we end up with five Hershey’s Kisses and a Bic Pen.

5. Someone will have to buy for someone they hate. An employee draws a name out of the hat and lo and behold, it’s a co-worker this employee hasn’t gotten along with since Day One. Oh man, I have to buy for HER? She’s a total bitch who hung me out to dry on that project and I’m not spending more than I have to on her ass. Secret Santa becomes an opportunity for all-out revenge. Re-gifting never felt so good.

6. Someone will get a little too into it. This employee has an entire collection of appliqued holiday sweatshirts and started celebrating Christmas before Halloween. It goes without saying that she (and it's usually a she) LOVES the Secret Santa tradition and may be the ringleader on this project every year, even if everyone else wishes it would die a quick, merciful death. Other employees might find her eagerness both endearing and cloying at the same time. Everyone assumes this employee has never watched Bad Santa.

7. Someone's Secret Santa won't stay a secret. There’s always a co-worker who can’t keep a secret, isn't there? You didn't know who your Secret Santa was five minutes ago, but -- oopsies! -- now you do. Or maybe you see your Secret Santa leaving a gift on your desk but you pretend you didn't see it happen and play along for the rest of the week. The acting routine is getting old fast, and it's only Monday.

8. Someone will dread buying for the boss. Will you draw the short stick this year? Buying for the boss can be daunting, even if your boss is the coolest person on the planet. In fact, having a cool boss could make selecting gifts even harder because you actually like this person. What if your boss has a fondness for nice (read: expensive) things or has hard-to-target tastes, though? Could your choices result in a pink slip during the next round of layoffs? You know you're being paranoid to think this way, but it's in the back of your mind as you cruise the Target One Spot. Have fun!

9. The boss will dread buying for a subordinate. If you're worried about buying for your manager, your manager might feel like he or she walking through a minefield, too. What should I buy? What message am I sending with these gifts? And what will the other employees think of my choices? Could these chocolate mousse candies lead to lower morale? Of course, if you have an executive assistant, you can just pawn the shopping off on him or her and be done with it.

10. Everyone will be secretly glad when it's over. It's Friday, you've done the final gift exchange, and you finally know who your Secret Santa is. Ah, the sense of relief in no longer having to remember to leave small gifts on someone's desk when you already have enough on your plate! The secret feeling of joy is almost enough to make you pour yourself a second cup of eggnog. At the very least, you'll be ready for a pint of beer after work. From the six pack you bought at the gas station convenience mart along with yesterday's present.

See? Aren't you looking forward to it now? Better get shopping! Time's a-wasting.

For my other holiday-related posts, click here to read Will This Year's Office Holiday Party Ruin Your Career? and here to read Five Tips For Surviving the Company Potluck.

Breaking News: Everyone Thinks the "Millennials" Are Lazy Whiners

2011-11-29T06:12:00.000-08:00

Do you think your 20-something co-workers are lazy, unfocused and in general, just sort of whiny and unmotivated?

Well, so do all your other (older) co-workers!

A new poll of more than 600 employees by Raleigh, North Carolina-based consulting firm Workplace Options finds the youngest workplace generation has a "distinct" (a.k.a. terrible) work ethic. More than three-fourths (77%) of workers polled believe the Millennials "have a different attitude toward workplace responsibility than workers of other age groups," while 68% think the Millennials are "less motivated to take on responsibility and produce quality work compared to their counterparts." According to the press release:

"The idea that younger workers are not as engaged or motivated as older workers is interesting from a management perspective, but may be shortsighted," said Dean Debnam, chief executive officer at Workplace Options. "The attitudes reflected in this poll may stem, in part, from the responsibilities younger workers typically have as more junior employees, but this is certainly a trend to monitor."

"The new challenge for managers is not only finding ways to engage millennials in workplace culture, but also bridging the gaps that exist between employees of different age groups," he explained.

Ah, kids these days. Why is it always up to managers to do the hard work of "engaging" the Millennials, though? Don't these younger employees have any responsibility to "engage" their co-workers and managers, too? Personal interaction is a two-way street, after all. Not to stereotype an entire generation or anything, but these Millennials never seem to put down their smart phones, do they? When a call or text comes in, do they ever ignore it to focus on the person and conversation at hand? No, I never, ever see them do that. Hold that thought, I'll be right back. Uh, what were we talking about again? Wash, rinse, repeat. Ugh.

A big part of good business etiquette with clients and co-workers alike, however, is making them feel like they are the most important people in the room whenever they're speaking with you, and you can't have eyes only for them if one eye is glued to your smartphone. Maybe that's one of the reasons nearly half (46%) of workers in the Workplace Options survey think the Millennials are "less engaged" than everyone else at work.

Speaking of engaged, this has got to be one of the most awkward kisses ever.

China To Say Zai Jian To the Humanities

2011-11-29T03:55:00.000-08:00

Was your undergraduate degree pretty much useless in helping you land your first "real" job? If you majored in the humanities only to turn around and enter graduate school in a valiant attempt to major in something targeted and useful, then you know what I'm talking about.

The Chinese Ministry of Education is apparently tired of its graduates playing the "why the hell did I major in this?" game, because it's just announced that it will start eliminating college majors that muster an overall employment rate below 60% over consecutive years. Your college major better lead to a job, or else! According to the Wall Street Journal:

None of the reports specified which majors would be cut under the new rules, but there are signs that some universities have already started taking steps to decrease the size of programs that don’t result in paid positions. Enrollment in a Russian program at China’s Shenyang Normal University was cut to 25 students this year from 50 in previous years, according to a report in the China Daily.

Oh, come on. We all know where this is going. China is gearing up to get rid of the humanities. You know, romance languages, Philosophy and other college majors that don't pay and don't bring in big-time grant money but the overly-serious and impendingly-unemployable kids who major in these things can annoy friends and family by asking them how they know they really exist and if they read Jane Austen novels. I mean, the above paragraph specifically mentions the Russian language program. Who needs foreign languages? Let's speak to each other in binary instead. It's not like China and Russia share a long border or anything, either.

The thing is, China is already sending us hundreds of thousands of its college students. Will it now start sending us all of its humanities majors, too? Someone, after all, is going to have to educate the next generation of historians and women's studies experts because not everyone wants to write computer code or work a pipette. Nin hao, Professor Smith of the campus English department!

What will U.S. colleges and universities take away from all this? I fear too much. Our students and parents already treat education too much like a shelf-life product instead of a life-long process, and it doesn't need to get any worse. Hey, don't blame me! The fact that I earned a "D" in this class isn't my fault, it's the professor's fault for not providing enough quality service! I'm not getting my money's worth at this school. Such is life in the age of the for-profit college.

Besides, there will always be a place for the humanities because spell check will never be 100%. And have you read Twitter lately? Oy, vey. Learn to spell, people. Stop sounding like a walking, talking, breathing Prince song title. "U" know what I'm talking about, 2.

So cheer up, humanities majors. Language usage will always be the great equalizer in life. You may not pull down the big bucks or be a celebrity or even be presently employed, but you know the correct usage of there, they're and their, and that's still worth something.

Are Scammers Targeting Workplaces On Cyber Monday?

2011-11-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

It's Cyber Monday, the day when online retailers finally get their moment in the sun. But if you plan on shopping from work today, you might need sunlight to disinfect your hard drive afterward.

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Shopping at home is different from shopping at work. At home, it's your personal computer on the line and you're going to be more careful about the sites you pull up. When you're at work, however, it's the company's computer at risk and can't the IT department just fix it already? That's a big part of the problem, along with our attraction to deals that save pennies on the dollar.

And with a new Cyber Monday CareerBuilder survey telling us half of employees plan to shop online at work this holiday season, let's all get ready for viruses and spyware galore. Good luck, IT. You're going to need it.

We Gave Thanks, Now Let's Lose Our Unemployment Benefits

2011-11-28T04:41:00.001-08:00

It's the Monday after Thanksgiving, and I'm so over turkey leftovers.

To be honest, I'm not much of a leftovers person, no matter the dish. I very much enjoy the meaning behind Thanksgiving, but leftover food that's been sitting in the refrigerator for more than 48 hours is pretty sketch with me. So while my Facebook friends are raving about their innovative cranberry-mashed potato turkey sandwiches for the fourth day in a row (yum?), I'm pondering exactly when to ditch our sparse, intentionally-downsized Thanksgiving meal to make more room for the foods we'll actually eat.

In any case, I hope your holiday was everything you wanted it to be, and more!

So what to write about this post-holiday morning...well, there's always Gawker's very awesome round-up of Thanksgiving retail worker news that happened over the long weekend and was peppered with enough excitement to bring a tear to the eye. Black Friday sales hit a new record, thanks in part to employees working 18-hour shifts at stores that never close. Can we please put the "thanks" back in Thanksgiving, please?

Oh, and unemployment benefits could run out in a few weeks for millions of long-term unemployed Americans unless Congress does something soon, which we all know it won't do until the very last possible minute because, you know, the long-term unemployed aren't stressed out enough already in an economy where weekly applications for unemployment benefits increased just last week.

On that note, the National Employment Law Project (NELP) is passing around a petition to renew federal unemployment insurance for 2012. It will deliver the petition to Congress this Wednesday, November 30, and says it's already gathered more than 30,000 signatures. Here's a snapshot of what NELP plans to tell Congress:

Millions of hardworking Americans—nearly 2 million in January alone, and over 6 million in 2012—will be cut off from the emergency lifeline of federal unemployment insurance, unless Congress acts to renew the program before it expires December 31st.

Right now, of the 14 million Americans who are unemployed, 46 percent -- more than 6 million -- have been jobless and looking for work for six months or longer. That percentage of long-term unemployed has been 40 percent or higher for nearly two full years. The average duration of unemployment has been more than six months for over two years, and the average job search for an unemployed worker now lasts more than 9 months.

Today, the unemployment rate stands at 9.1 percent and has been above 8.5 percent for more than 31 months. Congress has never cut back on federally-funded unemployment insurance when unemployment was anywhere near this high for this long.

Now is not the time to let these programs lapse or expire. It would be unthinkable for Congress to cut-off this vital lifeline for so many hardworking Americans who are struggling to find work when jobs are so scarce. Allowing unemployment insurance to expire would have devastating consequences for millions of jobless workers and their families -- and it would deal a severe blow to the economy and to communities across the country.

Tell Congress to put partisanship aside and take urgent action to renew these critical unemployment insurance programs now.

Put partisanship aside and take urgent action? Like everyone else who's not up for re-election, I'm all for that. If you want to help NELP by signing its online petition in favor of extending unemployment benefits for 2012, click here and tell your friends who can tell two friends who can tell two friends and so on and so on and so on. But enough with references to ancient 1970s Faberge Organics Shampoo commercials. Let's just focus on getting through 2012.

Gen Xers Now Most Likely To Get Plastic Surgery

2011-11-23T05:07:00.001-08:00

My grade schooler was being particularly helpful at the grocery store the other day, and I thanked her. "No problem, Mom! I like helping the elderly."

Bada-bing, bada-boom.

Like every other Gen Xer, I'm starting to feel my years. As I look in the mirror, I often have the same reaction I do whenever I see a McCain-Palin bumper sticker on someone's car: Really?

Now we learn that Gen Xers are going under the knife in a big way. A survey from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) reveals that 43% of all cosmetic surgery procedures last year were performed on Gen Xers between the ages of 31 and 45. Baby Boomers (defined as those between the ages of 51 and 64) comprised a mere 28% of all cosmetic surgeries.

Never trust anyone over 30, or at least recommend they look into Botox. Gen Xers flirting with the big 4-0 are feeling the pressure to keep up with the Jennifer Anistons of the celebrity circuit:

This pressure - whether it's real or perceived - along with the focus many Generation X'ers have on health and beauty may mean an increase in both surgical and non-surgical cosmetic procedures in the coming years.

As this generation ages, they may be more apt to seek out treatments, procedures and surgeries that help them appear younger, such as Botox injections, eyelid surgeries, liposuction and chemical peels.

So Gen Xers who laughed at the Baby Boomers for trying to recapture their youth are now doing the same thing. Oh, great. And all you Millennials and Gen Yers who like to diss "ancient" people in their 40s? You laugh now, but just wait. Time has a way of catching up, and fast. We Gen Xers will smile when it does, even if it's only on the inside because the Botox treatments have made smiling difficult for us. No one said aging would be easy.

Ho, Ho, Ho: More Employers Blocking Online Holiday Shopping This Year

2011-11-22T04:43:00.000-08:00

It's time to hit the Internet for holiday presents, but don't be surprised if you can't connect to your favorite retail websites at work.

A new Robert Half Technology survey of more than 1,400 U.S. chief information officers reveals these tech-savvy office Grinches plan on stealing your online access this holiday season. A full 60% of CIOs will block retail websites in the coming weeks -- a 12% increase over last year. Nearly one-quarter (23%) will let employees shop online at work but they'll "monitor activity for excessive use." One wonders how "excessive use" is defined, exactly.

The percentage of companies that will give employees unlimited, all-you-can-eat online shopping access this holiday season: 13%. The CIOs who let employees shop online expect it to suck up at least FOUR HOURS of employees' time per week. Um, yeah...I'm finishing up that report and I'll send it to you after I get my shopping cart through Amazon's online check out. What's my password again?

Bottom line: Your employer wants you more focused on taking care of business instead of surfing for (yet another) pair of slippers for Mom. C'est la vie, at least in this recession. You might have to visit some retail sites from home. Well, it still beats this.

Technology Trends: Microsoft's Workplace Activity Patent

2011-11-21T13:50:00.000-08:00

Your days of dissing the company on the down low may be numbered.

Microsoft has filed a patent for a "system" that lets employers track employees right down to their physical gestures and will alert HR whenever it sees something amiss. As for the actual patent application, it's Patent No. 20110276369, which describes the technology thus:

Approaches are provided for monitoring, analyzing, and influencing organizational behaviors through multi-modal communication systems. Desired and undesired behaviors and applicable organizational contexts are defined and action plans developed. The behaviors are then monitored through communication sessions between members and analyzed for comparison to the action plans such that feedback may be provided at individual and/or organizational levels to influence the behaviors.

I'm not sure what "undesired behaviors and applicable organizational contexts" means exactly either, but it's sort of creeping me out. According to ITproportal.com:

The Microsoft patent claims if employees trust their bosses then it is equal to a pay rise. Therefore to foster such feelings and behaviour, a system can be developed to monitor employees and make sure they act and behave as they should.

Apart from taking data from emails sent by employees and the time spent working on certain applications, the system can also be used to monitor people's hand gestures and other behaviour.

Geez. You were just gearing up to pick your nose but HR thinks you were giving the entire company the finger and now it wants to correct your "undesired" behaviors. I exaggerate...or do I? Goodbye workplace privacy, because amid such technologies we're all destined to do something undesirable in the office somewhere, somehow, sometime. Or stifle all semblance of a human personality in search of a raise. Force a smile, because you're on candid camera.

Science Helps Overbearing Parents Become Even More Overbearing

2011-11-21T04:44:00.001-08:00

The Congressional "Supercommittee" warns us that it can't legislate its way out of a paper bag, 60 Minutes jumps the shark by deeming ~~model~~ singer Taylor Swift worthy of one of its once-lofty artist profiles, and now this.

We've entered the age when parents can buy DNA test kits to determine the sports and activities in which their children are most likely to excel. A Boulder, Colorado company called Atlas Sports Genetics claims it can hit a home run in assessing a child's sports aptitude, and it's selling DNA swab test kits to ~~living vicariously through their kids~~ worried parents for $160. Open up and say "aaah" Timmy or Tammy, because we need to know whether you'll do better in soccer, t-ball or Little Gym! According to one article:

The swabs are sent to Atlas, then to a lab in Australia.

The company is looking for something called the ACTN-three gene, which is responsible for fast-twitch explosive muscles.

"It's really just a tool in a tool box of an athlete to analyze a scenario," says Nat Carruthers, President of Operations.

Yes, yes, yes. To help Timmy end up in a scenario he absolutely hates, and now his Dad is a tool. Where's the test that helps overbearing parents determine just how overbearing they really are? Just a thought.

What fascinates me the most, however, is how such tests could be applied to the future workplace. Will some enterprising company come up with a DNA swab kit for determining someone's best career match? Guess what, Timmy! You're majoring in engineering because that's what the swab said you should do. But what if I hate math, Mom? Oh, man. This sucks. And how could future workplace laws apply to such tests? The swab says I'm qualified so give me the damn job already or I'll sue. Everyone glimpse the future and say "aaaahhh."

And 60 Minutes? Please get your act together. It used to be that 60 Minutes profiles were reserved for household names with decades of accomplishment, and now? I fear not so much. It's a slippery slope from here to profiling The Situation and becoming just another 20/20 or Dateline. Think about it.

Friday Funnies: Blonde On An Escalator

2011-11-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

So a blonde tries to go up a down escalator...I'll let you step in here with your own jokes.

Do You Work With A Know-It-All?

2011-11-17T04:13:00.000-08:00

Do you work with someone who always tries to make you feel like you were born in a barn? A co-worker who never misses an opportunity to look down his or her nose at you? If you haven't encountered the condescending co-worker, you will eventually. It's almost unavoidable, and it's how you handle these insufferable know-it-alls that makes all the difference.

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You'll know immediately when you're in the presence of a condescending co-worker. There's a tone in their voice and a certain look in their eyes, as if they're wondering how you manage to button your shirt in the morning without a manual. They'll want to explain the basics of your job to you when you've been doing it (quite well, thank you) for a few years now and you have the student loan debt to prove it. Maybe this person refers to you by pet names such as "sweetie" or "cutie" or the dreaded "hon" instead of your real name while shunting all of the less mentally-intensive work on to your plate. Do you think you can file these documents in this thing called a "filing cabinet"? The alphabet can be quite complicated, so just let me know if you have any questions. Thanks, sweetie.

Ugh. You weren't standing behind the proverbial door when professional skills were handed out, but this co-worker-on-a-high-horse makes you feel that way, all the time. The condescending co-worker's dismissive attitude can rub off on your other co-workers over time, too. Oh, don't give that project to Kim, she'll only mess it up. Wow, how does she make it through life, exactly? The glaring (and growing) lack of confidence in your abilities on the job is enough to make you scream -- or worse, quit -- because you're not sure how to get out of this confusing, no-really-I'm-actually-very-smart-and-talented mess you're in.

I know one guy who dealt with a condescending co-worker who he was in the process of training. That's right: training. Here he was, teaching this trainee -- a peer, no less -- how to do a set of tasks the person didn't know how to do, and all the while he was being questioned about his qualifications as an employee and a trainer. Are you *sure* you're doing this the right way? Maybe the boss should show me instead to make sure I learn it correctly? Talk about unsettling and annoying.

What's perhaps most grating about know-it-all co-workers is that they usually know about as much as you do (or less) but try to pass themselves off as the office guru. A Sensei of the cube farm set. So what should you do when you have to deal with a condescending co-worker? Here are a few basic tips:

1. Assess whether it's just you. Is your condescending co-worker like this with everyone in the office (customers included) or does he or she save up a bucket list of useless pointers and menial projects just for you? If everyone gets the same treatment, then this person is a garden-variety Cornholio. If it's just you, then there's a bigger problem at play. Which brings us to Tip #2.

2. Fight condescension with intelligence. So a peer at work wants to constantly question your abilities, huh? Don't take it laying down; stand up for yourself. Tweak this co-worker a little when he or she tries to explain the very basics of your job yet again ("Oh, a filing cabinet? That thing invented in 1898 by Edwin G. Seibels while he was employed at his father's insurance firm? Oh, yeah, I've used those before"). Don't be afraid to take your smarts to town when this co-worker is trying to pigeonhole you as the village idiot. Don't get mad, get witty. Stay calm, flash your smarts and reveal a sense of confidence in yourself and your abilities. No one else in the office is going to do this for you, unfortunately. Wikipedia and Google are your friends. Use them as necessary.

3. Be more proactive. Some employees will clam up and retreat into a shell in the face of this problem and start to accept their perceived inabilities as the status quo for as long as they're at the company. This strategy only makes things worse, of course. If you think a work-delegating peer doesn't trust you with certain projects, volunteer to take one on the next time it's up for grabs. This way, you broach the problem in a proactive way because (1) you're throwing your hat into the ring (what boss doesn't like to see this?); and (2) you're effectively forcing this co-worker to tell you no, and to explain why not. This opens the door for you to tout your skill set and to say how you'd like to take on new assignments. At the very least, the condescending co-worker will see that you're willing to fight for what you believe in (e.g., yourself and your abilities). Your other co-workers will see that you can take a stand too, which could have the much-needed effect of shifting the office paradigm a little bit. Hmm, maybe Kim isn't such a talentless pushover after all. Good communication is key. And if you get the assignment, make it your best work ever.

4. Figure out what's worth ignoring. The know-it-all co-worker could be saying condescending things all day long, every day and quite frankly, he or she isn't going to change overnight, if ever. You'll have to decide which comments to ignore and which comments to confront. If this co-worker chides your lunch decisions ("Oh, you don't eat organic?") that's one thing. Go to your happy place or to the soda fountain to cool off and refill your drink. Sometimes it's just not worth it, you know? If this co-worker starts offering basic pointers about your job, however, that's another thing. Simply say, "Oh, I know that already, but thanks" and, depending on the circumstances and how much you trust this employee, you might back it up with a few new insights you've learned about a task or client that your condescending co-worker doesn't know. Sure, you're "one-upping" this co-worker but sometimes you have to go there with these people to keep your sanity, don't you? Pick your battles and save your rapid fire for the most important ones.

5. Never ask for their opinion. You'll only feed the beast and open the door to even more condescending advice. This goes for work-related matters as well as personal matters. Ask this employee's opinion, and he or she will walk away thinking you really want/need/enjoy their random and unwelcome bits of knowledge and advice. Oh, the horror. Ask someone else. Anyone else.

There are other tips I could go into, but these are a few basics for, ahem, "realigning" your relationship with condescending co-workers. It can be done, but it's an uphill battle and you'll have to stand your ground. Good luck, you'll need it.

Cool Workplaces: The Motley Fool

2011-11-16T05:45:00.000-08:00

How can you create a more fun, trustworthy workplace in these stressful times and reinvent the whole idea of work/life balance?

In a new weekly series dubbed "cool workplaces," I'll spotlight a company that's doing cool things to make life better for employees. Here are Sam Moore Cicotello and Lee Burbage from the "People Department" (read: HR) at Virginia-based investing website The Motley Fool talking about the company's work/life balance strategies at a recent TEDx event in Washington, DC.

So what is The Motley Fool doing to make life better for employees in this never-ending recession? For starters, the company doesn't have a vacation policy. The Motley Fool's employees are in charge of their own vacation days and when they want to take time off, and it's been company policy for 18 years. The office boasts an open floor plan with desks on wheels so employees can pair up for projects or move their desks just for the hell of it (hey, we all need new scenery now and then, don't we?). Televisions are brought in every Spring so employees don't miss out on all the NCAA tournament action, and there's a game room. Yes, game rooms still exist in some workplaces. And HR is called the "people department" instead of "human resources" -- a term that really needs to go -- and its people wear really cool hats.

Think your workplace can top this? Drop me an email and tell me how.

Would You Give A Bank Your Social Media Passwords?

2011-11-16T04:41:00.000-08:00

An Australian bank is apparently kicking around a new customer relations idea: Give us access to your social media accounts or we'll charge your more. Is it the wave of the future for retailers everywhere?

Australia's Commonwealth Bank sees a gold mine of data mining in our musings about what we had for lunch, how our toddler had a tantrum at Target and what we're having for dinner. Plus, the bank can make money by turning around to sell customers' social media "data" to others! And if you as the customer don't want to fork over your social media updates on a digital platter, then you can just pay more for the bank's services, capische? Looking for a credit union in 3, 2, 1. As The Sydney Morning Herald reports:

Presumably, such a system also relies on providers such as utilities and rival financial institutions signing on as channel partners, and the bank taking a clip on each product it sells.

At the same time, by having greater access to your Facebook and other social media interactions, it can sell or use that information for marketing purposes.

Owning such a huge chunk of an online persona - the bank will charge higher fees to those who don't accept its offer or who have money elsewhere - creates huge switching costs should the customer wish to defect.

Awesome. Welcome to the next frontier of data collection: blatantly arm twisting customers for their online data. Would you trust your bank, insurer or the average retailer with your passwords and let them stream your social media updates through their company "portals"? Hmm. And which employees (and third parties) would have access to this information? Just a few? Everyone? Will employees sit in staff meetings laughing at the photos we just uploaded to Facebook? Not that most status updates are all that exciting mind you, but the idea of potentially feeling forced to share this information or pay more for services rendered so a company can expand its marketing reach and make more money doesn't sit well. I hope this "trend" stays far below the equator, but I'm not holding my breath.

U.S. Census: Relocation Rate Lowest Since 1948

2011-11-15T10:40:00.000-08:00

Thinking about moving to a new city or state soon? If you're like your fellow Americans, probably not.

As we gear up to celebrate the Pilgrims and all things Mayflower next week, the folks at the U.S. Census tell us that fewer Americans are moving than at any time since 1948. Essentially, we're becoming a nation of homebodies like the Greatest Generation. Of course, the economy is to blame because it's always to blame these days for pretty much everything, isn't it? According to the Census press release:

For those who moved to a different county or state, the reasons for moving varied considerably by the length of their move. According to Geographical Mobility: 2008 to 2009, when people moved a considerable distance between 2008 and 2009 ─ 500 or more miles ─ it was most likely for employment-related reasons, which were cited by 43.9 percent of such movers, as opposed to housing-related reasons, given by 11.6 percent. Conversely, when people didn't move far ─ less than 50 miles ─ 40.0 percent did so for housing-related reasons.

Which raises an interesting point: People tend to move long distances for new jobs and short distances because they want a new neighborhood or house. No one relocates from Boise to Bangor just because they like a certain looks-the-same-everywhere subdivision, but if there's a good job opportunity we're suddenly making arrangements with U-Haul or, no pun intended, Mayflower.

Have job, will travel. But there simply aren't as many jobs to relocate for, and sites such as Altosresearch.com remind us on a daily basis just how bad the real estate market remains. Our sense of Manifest Destiny has been downsized to the area between our house and the nearest Taco Bell. Let's just park ourselves on the sofa since it looks like we might be there for awhile.

Cool Job Openings: NASA Is Looking For Astronauts

2011-11-15T04:50:00.001-08:00

Remember when you were eight and you wanted to be an astronaut? Well, now you can! That's because NASA has just announced it's looking for new astronauts as of today, and the application process will be open to the public until January 27.

The job opening is posted at USAJobs.gov. Simply type "astronaut" into the "what" field and the listing should come up. If it doesn't, here is most of it courtesy of cut and paste:

Astronaut Candidate

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has a need for Astronaut Candidates to support the International Space Station (ISS) Program and future deep space exploration activities.

Agency: Johnson Space Center

Location: Houston,Texas

Salary: $64,724.00 to $141,715.00

Open Period: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 to Friday, January 27, 2012

Who May Apply: This announcement is open to all qualified U.S. citizens.

Series & Grade: GS-0801-11/14

Position Information: Full Time - Permanent

JOB SUMMARY:

NASA, the world's leader in space and aeronautics is always seeking outstanding scientists, engineers, and other talented professionals to carry forward the great discovery process that its mission demands. Creativity. Ambition. Teamwork. A sense of daring. And a probing mind. That's what it takes to join NASA, one of the best places to work in the Federal Government.

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has a need for Astronaut Candidates to support the International Space Station (ISS) Program and future deep space exploration activities.

KEY REQUIREMENTS

* Position subject to pre-employment background investigation
* This is drug-testing designated position
* Frequent travel may be required
* Selectee must pass a pre-employment medical examination

DUTIES:
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Astronauts are involved in all aspects of assembly and on-orbit operations of the ISS. This includes extravehicular activities (EVA), robotics operations using the remote manipulator system, experiment operations, and onboard maintenance tasks. Astronauts are required to have a detailed knowledge of the ISS systems, as well as detailed knowledge of the operational characteristics, mission requirements and objectives, and supporting systems and equipment for each experiment on their assigned missions.

Long-duration missions aboard the ISS generally last from 3 to 6 months. Training for long duration missions is very arduous and takes approximately 2 to 3 years. This training requires extensive travel, including long periods away in other countries training with our international partners. Travel to and from the ISS will be aboard the Russian Soyuz vehicle. Consequently, astronauts must meet the Soyuz size requirements, as indicated below. Additional information about the position can be found at Astronaut Candidate Program.
QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED:
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Applicants must meet the following minimum requirements before submitting an application.

1. Bachelor's degree from an accredited institution in engineering, biological science, physical science, or mathematics. Quality of academic preparation is important.

Notes on Academic Requirements:
Applicants for the Astronaut Candidate Program must meet the basic education requirements for NASA engineering and scientific positions, specifically: successful completion of standard professional curriculum in an accredited college or university leading to at least a bachelor's degree with major study in an appropriate field of engineering, biological science, physical science, or mathematics.

The following degree fields are not considered qualifying:
--Degrees in Technology (Engineering Technology, Aviation Technology, Medical Technology, etc.)
--Degrees in Psychology (except for Clinical Psychology, Physiological Psychology, or Experimental Psychology, which are qualifying)
--Degrees in Nursing
--Degrees in Exercise Physiology or similar fields
--Degrees in Social Sciences (Geography, Anthropology, Archaeology, etc.)
--Degrees in Aviation, Aviation Management, or similar fields

2. Degree followed by at least 3 years of related, progressively responsible, professional experience or at least 1,000 hours pilot-in-command time in jet aircraft. An advanced degree is desirable and may be substituted for experience as follows: master's degree = 1 year of experience, doctoral degree = 3 years of experience. Teaching experience, including experience at the K - 12 levels, is considered to be qualifying experience for the Astronaut Candidate position; therefore, educators are encouraged to apply.

3. Ability to pass the NASA long-duration space flight physical, which includes the following specific requirements:

Distant and near visual acuity: Must be correctable to 20/20, each eye

The refractive surgical procedures of the eye, PRK and LASIK, are allowed, providing at least 1 year has passed since the date of the procedure with no permanent adverse after effects. For those applicants under final consideration, an operative report on the surgical procedure will be requested.

Blood pressure not to exceed 140/90 measured in a sitting position

Standing height between 62 and 75 inches.

Notes on Space Flight Physical Requirements:
Since all crewmembers will be expected to fly aboard the Soyuz vehicle and perform Extravehicular Activities (space walks), applicants must meet the anthropometric requirements for both the Soyuz vehicle and the extravehicular activity mobility unit (space suit). Applicants brought in for interview will be evaluated to ensure they meet the anthropometric requirements.

Basic Education Requirement: A bachelor's degree from an accredited college or university with major study in engineering, physical science, mathematics, life sciences, computer science, or other field of science. Degrees in engineering technology are not considered to be qualifying for this position.

U.S. citizenship is required.

I'd totally apply if I weren't a broken-down Gen Xer who sucks at Trigonometry, is afraid of heights, gets queasy on merry-go-rounds and can barely operate a can opener. Apollo 13 is one of my favorite movies, but I don't think that counts. Plus, I have a Journalism degree so all I could do is flap my arms to fan sweaty NASA engineers. But maybe this is the job for you? If so, good luck. We'll all be rooting for you. Remember to wave to us from space!

Farm Workers, the Metal Ones Are Coming For You

2011-11-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

Modern-day Americans are notorious for not wanting to get their hands dirty on the job, especially when it comes to farm work.

No, we prefer to leave these tasks to people from other countries, but even they shouldn't bet the farm on keeping these jobs for much longer. That's because a Massachusetts start-up called Harvest Automation is developing mini robots that can perform our farm-like tasks for us, and these robots have been created specifically with U.S. labor problems (read: illegal immigration) in mind, apparently. According to Wired.com:

Massachusetts startup Harvest Automation is beta testing a small mobile robot that it's pitching to nurseries as the solution to their most pressing problem: a volatile labor market.

The multi-billion-dollar industry that supplies ornamental plants to building contractors, big-box retailers and landscaping firms — $11.7 billion according to the most recent USDA figures — has been eagerly awaiting automation for decades. The down economy and harsh state laws targeting undocumented workers have turned up the pressure.

The horticulture industry has caught the attention of several robotics industry veterans, including Joe Jones, a co-inventor of iRobot’s Roomba vacuum cleaning robot. What they see is an opportunity to develop a small, relatively inexpensive, mobile material handling robot. Their venture-backed company has been field testing the robots at 11 nurseries around the country, and plans to release its first product at the end of the first quarter or beginning of the second quarter next year.

Will farms, nurseries and large home improvement retailers start farming out more jobs to robots? What happens if a mini robot malfunctions on Aisle 3 or in the greenhouse? And why don't we yet have a comprehensive national immigration policy? Who knows. But don't be surprised if a Roomba-like robot is eventually fetching your spring plants because robots are strong, they eat old people's medicines for fuel, and they're coming for you.

Your Thanksgiving Dinner Will Cost More Than Ever Before

2011-11-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

Are you stocking up on stuffing yet? No? Well, you're going to have to start soon because Thanksgiving (the U.S. version) is almost here. And this year it's going to cost you an arm and a leg and a wing.

The Iowa Farm Bureau Federation just hatched its annual Thanksgiving cost survey that tells us this year's Thanksgiving celebration will be the most expensive since we arrived on the Mayflower. Thanksgiving will cost the average U.S. family 13% more than last year. In 1986, a turkey dinner with all of the fixings cost an average of $28.74. This year, the cost will average $49.20. Let's just round up to $50, shall we?

Why will it be the most expensive Thanksgiving ever, you ask? Food prices keep rising due to global demand, for starters. But you already know this, because you go to the grocery store. What you might not realize is that turkey in particular has been gaining in popularity around the world, which means the cost (not so thankfully) has been going up steadily. This economy has been flipping us the bird and now it's literally giving us more expensive birds.

So how does all of this relate to the average workplace? Well, a bird might just be the word if you're pondering staff holiday gifts that won't lay an egg in employees' minds. Grocery gift cards could be a very welcome gift this year. Sexy? No. Practical? Very. And we live in practical times where "practical" is defined as we can't soar with the eagles when we work with turkeys in a turkey burger economy. Save the neck for me, Clark.

Friday Workplace News Round-up

2011-11-11T05:31:00.000-08:00

I haven't done a news round-up in awhile but it's Friday, my younger child has a cold that I've somehow managed to avoid so far, and I can't think of anything else to do at the moment. So there.

Zynga tells its employees to give back all their pre-IPO shares or get fired.

If you have facial scars or blemishes, the person interviewing you for a job won't remember pretty much anything you said.

It's 11/11/11 and numerologists are all over it.

How to create an emotionally intelligent warrior. I don't know this means exactly, either.

I just love the Waylon Jennings-inspired title of this workplace story. Good work, editor.

Current college students say to give them social media access or they won't take the job. (Shh, nobody tell them that there aren't very many jobs to go to.)

The top five workplace benefits trends for 2012.

How to find a job in charity social media. Who knew?

The White House, SBA and Senate work on ways to turn military veterans into entrepreneurs.

Happy Veterans Day, everyone. Thanks to all our veterans and those currently serving.

A survey comes out and now journalists are acting surprised that Gen Xers are "normal." The Gen Xer in me rolls her eyes.

Someone alert the media, because employee loyalty is falling worldwide.

"Kate Plus Eight" star Kate Gosselin starts what looks like a real office job in Pennsylvania. Wonder how long it'll last.

And last but not least, the American Mustache Institute has rescinded its endorsement of Herman Cain. It must be time for a gentleman's rant (warning: language and workplace situations most definitely NSFW).

10 Fictional Workplaces We Wish Were Real

2011-11-11T04:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wished that a movie or television workplace could be real? And that you could work there, even if only for a day?

Of course, the jobs portrayed in the movies and on teevee always seem far more glamorous, exciting and fun than they really are, and why do all of the characters in these fictional offices always look like former models? Our real jobs add ten pounds without a camera lens, and going to Super Snips for the $20 hair trim (plus tip) isn't doing us any favors in this recession. Sure, these movie and teevee workplaces are pure fantasy and exist solely in the minds of Hollywood script writers, but haven't we all had moments where we think anywhere but our real office would be so much better? The grass is always greener on the other side of the screen.

This great article ranks the top ten fictional workplaces we wish were real. Some workplaces that made the list include TGS (30 Rock), Pawnee Parks Department (Parks And Recreation), and MacMillan Toys (from the movie Big).

I'd probably lean toward TGS because I'm a writer (okay, some people might dispute this) and listening to Liz Lemon's neurotic musings on a daily basis would be hilarious. I'd go for pretty much any workplace except a legal or medical work setting, partly because it's not my training but partly because Hollywood still makes way too many shows set in law offices and hospitals. Why is this? No offense to doctors and lawyers, but teevee shows about doctors and lawyers have gotten really boring over the last decade. The angle is so played out. Whenever I see an ad for yet another legal drama I think: "Oh look, another show set in a law firm. In L.A. or New York. How original." Then I fall asleep on the sofa.

Come on, Hollywood. Start giving us more workplaces to look forward to on the teevee screen each week, kind of like the ones mentioned in the above article. Why not set a comedy in a Scandinavian trinket shop in Astoria, Oregon (Goonies!) or a drama in a dry cleaning business in Minot, North Dakota? Or vice versa. Sounds boring to your average L.A.-based script writer perhaps, but trust me: viewers will appreciate the novelty. Just throw a dart at a U.S. map and let things flow from there. You might just hit some new ratings targets along the way.

OSHA To Retailers: Keep Holiday Workers From Getting Trampled, Please

2011-11-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

It's not even Thanksgiving yet, and every major retailer except Nordstrom already thinks it's Christmas.

Let's face it: Thanksgiving has become the Jan Brady of the holiday season while Christmas is all Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. I guess this makes Cindy Brady Halloween? I always wanted Cindy's Kitty Carryall doll. It was so awesome. Remember the episode where Kitty Carryall got lost, and the one where Bobby and Cindy got lost in the Grand Canyon? Something was always getting lost on that show. Anyway, I'm getting off track. Where was I going with this post? Oh, yes. The holidays. Shopping. Black Friday. And seasonal retail workers tragically getting trampled and killed by rabid, angry customers.

This time of year can be worse than the bridal gown sale at Filene's Basement, and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration must realize this because it's just issued an anti-trampling fact sheet full of safety suggestions for major U.S. retailers.

Among the tips: "Prepare an emergency plan that addresses potential dangers facing workers, including overcrowding, crowd crushing, being struck by the crowd, violent acts and fire. Share emergency plan with all local public safety agencies. Train workers in crowd management procedures and the emergency plan. Provide them with an opportunity to practice the special event plan. Include local public safety agencies if appropriate."

Good ideas, and practice makes perfect, as my mom used to say. Store employees could most likely use the practice ahead of time, since they'll be bleary-eyed from reporting to work at 4 a.m. or earlier as stores move toward a we're open all night schedule during the holidays. Silent night, not.

One can hope that a bit of corporate pre-planning for handling feral customers might keep workers safer this holiday season. Smart companies will worry about potential trampling problems in our increasingly Bridezilla-like culture lacking in manners and refinement, especially with courts recently ruling in favor of trampled employees. 'Tis the season to be brawl-ey. Thank God for online shopping.

Technology Trends: All Hail the "HusbandMotivator" App

2011-11-09T03:58:00.000-08:00

Does your husband seem less than motivated to find a new job? Don't worry, because there's an app for that now.

The new HusbandMotivator (TM) app from a new company called Weongozi will supposedly not only motivate him to job hunt, it will get him off the couch to take out the garbage, to fix the car, to mow the lawn...pretty much anything you need him to do in any given moment! How does the app work, you ask? I'll let the press release explain:

The HusbandMotivator™ App gives you tips, hints - and a simple script to read to make your requests touch all the right buttons to persuade your husband to do what you want.

The new app uses the latest Artificial Intelligence tools to identify the psychological triggers that will move your husband to take action.

"HusbandMotivator™ can help improve your relationship and solve problems with your man. Now you can change your husband's behavior - without nagging. Is this the best wedding gift you never got?" said Shelle Rose Charvet, a linguistics expert and Founder of Weongozi (http://www.weongozi.com), the company that developed the HusbandMotivator App.

I have no idea if this app works or how it works, but my husband says it sounds like a step up from the old NagsAlot 2000 (TM) program for DOS or Windows 3.1 that existed in the early 1990s. I'm just enjoying the mental image of a frustrated wife standing in front of her couch-lounging husband scrolling through her iPhone looking for the HusbandMotivator (TM) app so she can figure out once and for all how to tell him to stop surfing his laptop and fix the hinges on the kids' bathroom door. Or to find a job, as the case may be in this economy. One wonders how many divorces could be motivated by this algorithmic application, or at the very least, how often it might mysteriously get deleted from many a rhinestone-encased smartphone. Everything really went downhill after she downloaded that damn app. Sigh. As I've said many times before, no one said technological progress would always be easy.

A Shameless Bit Of Self-Promotion: My Jim Collins Interview

2011-11-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

So I got an email from the nice folks at Costco's membership magazine asking me if I'd like to interview well-known business guru Jim Collins, author of the business classics Good To Great and Built To Last, about his new book, Great By Choice. Um, yes, please?

It was a fun interview, and he was very gracious with his time and his insights into why some companies thrive in uncertainty and economic chaos while others do not. Here's the story. Now it's back to tending to my youngest Jr. Workplace Diva who has a cold. She just coughed into my mouth as I was picking her up, so it's only a matter of time before I get my turn. Well, it is cold and flu season. You've gotten your flu shot, right?

Breaking News: Employees Are Cheating On Their Time Cards

2011-11-08T05:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever padded your time card with extra minutes or hours?

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A new Kronos/Workforce Institute survey of more than 2,000 workers worldwide (if the "world" consists of only the United Kingdom, the United States, Australia, Canada, China, France, India and Mexico) finds we're getting a bit punchy, if you know what I mean.

India ranks first in time card cheaters with nearly three-fourths (73%) of workers cheating on their time cards while Canadians (26%) are the least likely to cheat their employers on the number of hours worked. Rounding out the middle of the list are China (72%), Australia (51%), Mexico (49%), the U.K. (37%), France (33%), and the United States (33%).

So we Americans actually rank pretty low in terms of time card cheaters/pay padders. We're tied with the French for second-to-last place, but neither of us are as honest as the Canadians. Forget freedom fries, because we have more in common with the French people than we thought.

Oh, and the Mexicans are the most likely to punch in on time clocks, followed by the Americans and the Chinese. The French are the least likely to use time clocks. Message: If you don't like time clocks, move to France.

Facebook Makes Employees' Kids Come To Work For Good-night Kisses?

2011-11-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

Burning the midnight oil at work lately? Just be glad you don't work at Facebook, where the long work hours have employees' young children trekking into the company's California headquarters to tell Mom or Dad goodnight.

According to Gawker according to Forbes, Facebook employees endured a "lockdown" this summer where they worked nights and weekends for 60 days amid the Google+ threat. Check this out from the Forbes article:

However, inside the Palo Alto office where more than 750 engineers regularly pass by the small glass conference room in which Zuckerberg, 27, holds court, Facebook employees put in some serious overtime during the summer lockdown. This had happened only once before in recent years at Facebook: After word leaked that Google was starting work on a "Facebook killer" in summer 2010, Zuckerberg called on engineers to work nights and weekends for 60 days to revamp key social features like photos, groups, and events. Just as it did then, the cafeteria opened up on evenings and weekends this summer, and children dropped in for dinners and good-night hugs before their parents logged back on for late nights. By September, Facebook had released a slew of new features like better grouping tools to mirror those Google+ circles. Says one member of the product and engineering team: "[Google] can throw all the money in the world, including hundreds of people, at this. So people were, like, This is serious, and we should take it seriously."

Yes, this is serious and we should take it seriously. The part about making your little kids commute to your cube farm in their jammies for a good-night story for months on end, I mean. WTF? That's just wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin. As Gawker points out, Facebook's whole purpose is to bring people together and then it pulls families apart with anti-family policies such as this one. Keep it up, Facebook, and more of your employees could be updating their relationship statuses to single.

This is one policy where Facebook should do an about-face. Just saying.

Achoo! Half Of U.S. Workers Are Faking Sick Days

2011-11-02T04:45:00.000-07:00

A co-worker calls in sick and you can't help but think, "Hmm, I wonder if she's really sick or she's going to the mall." If a new Kronos/Harris Interactive survey is to be believed, the mall might be a better guess.

The survey concludes that half of working Americans are regularly faking sick days. You're not going to be able to make it to work today because you're not feeling well. Blah, blah -- we've all heard it before. But the half-yearly sale is starting today at your favorite department store and you want to snag the best deals. Besides, you're burned out after weeks (or months) of high stress and heavy workload. If your company would simply offer more paid time off or some much-needed flex time, you wouldn't have to resort to such measures. Sure, your co-workers are going to be pissed off and they'll suspect that you're not really sick, but they're taking their own "sick" days here and there -- curiously, always on a Friday or a Monday -- and so they can suck it up, right?

Well, just know that you're not alone because half of U.S. employees are calling in "sick" too, while nearly the same percentage of workers in China and Australia are leaving their own "I'm too sick to come to work today" messages. So it's not that Americans are more lazy or duplicitous than anyone else; skipping work is a part of the human condition! So is lower daily productivity, apparently. Oh, the humanity.

End Of Daylight Savings Time Means Tired Employees

2011-11-01T05:05:00.001-07:00

I hope you're enjoying these last few days of evening daylight, because they're coming to a screeching halt this weekend. That's right: Daylight Savings Time is ending. It's almost time to turn the clocks back one hour and return to Standard Time. Sigh.

Then it'll be time to wander around for a few days feeling like your whole day is off. You're gaining an hour, but the time change will still mess with your head. What time is it, again? It feels like noon but it's only 11. And it's almost dark on the drive home. Why do I suddenly want to eat dinner at 4:30? Man, I really hate this already. How long until the clocks move ahead again?

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If you're a busy manager already planning ahead for next week (and you are, aren't you?), then you might want to take a minute to ponder the effect of the time change on employees. One study estimated that Daylight Savings Time costs the United States $480,000,000 in lost productivity. Talk about burning daylight.

Other studies, meanwhile, have shown that our bi-annual time changes result in more accidents on the job as well as an increased risk of heart attacks. Oh, goodie.

So how can you squeeze more happiness, health and productivity out of next week's time-inspired malaise? Here are five tips:

Plan ahead for confusion. Employees will be dazed, confused and tired on Monday. The first day of the time change isn't the best day to spring a due-by-noon project on a co-worker if you can avoid it. Get as many things off your "to-do" list this week as you can so employees can adjust to the time change without having additional wrenches thrown into their mental spokes.

Don't front load the week. Switch up your staff's routine for a few days, assuming (rightly so) that employees will be a bit out of sorts on Monday and Tuesday because of the time change. Don't front load the week with every action item under the sun; start a bit slower and ramp up as the week goes on. Can you have your Monday 8 a.m. meeting this week instead? Or can you move it to later in the day on Monday, or to Wednesday at 8 a.m.? Your employees will appreciate your attention to detail, and they'll also see you as someone who plans ahead for the small things that impact their minds in big ways. Not a bad way to build your office cred.

Anticipate mistakes. Time changes can lead to more mistakes at work during the first days of readjustment. How can you minimize the chances of basic mistakes for the first few days of the time change? Every workplace is different, but it's something managers should definitely think about heading into next week to avoid spending Thursday and Friday unraveling the mistakes made on Monday and Tuesday.

Provide snacks. Jump start your team's productivity on Monday and Tuesday with cheap, catered lunches or afternoon snacks such as pizza, sandwiches, ice cream or finger foods such as fruit and veggie trays. Never underestimate the ability of food to boost employees' sour moods. Plus, they'll need the energy boost.

Think fitness. Some of the most bummed-out people on your staff next week will be runners and other people who like to spend a lot of time outdoors after work. They've been able to do their thing for months, but now it's getting dark. And cold. Oh, crap. Now what? If you offer a fitness center on site or allow employees access to one off site, the clock roll back is a good opportunity to remind them about it. If you're feeling generous, you might spring for fitness center passes or purchase a treadmill or two for the office as an early holiday gift. Plus, it's an easy way to promote health and wellness.

See? The time change won't be that bad after all. Now if you could only remember where you put your keys...

Say Cheese: Google Is Taking Street View Inside Companies

2011-10-31T04:52:00.000-07:00

If you've ever used Google for maps and directions, you've probably happened across Street View, which gives you a 360-degree view of actual streets. But what if Google could do the same for the inside of your workplace?

Well, it can and it is. You'd better wipe the muffin crumbs off your desk and empty all those overflowing recycling bins because 360-degree online views of your office are now a reality. Google is ramping up something called Business Photos, where 360-degree photos are being taken of business interiors and storefronts. Say "cheese" to your trusty, local Google photographer! According to PC World:

"This experience, using Street View technology, includes 360-degree imagery of the business interior and storefront," Google said back in May. "With this immersive imagery, potential customers can easily imagine themselves at the business and decide if they want to visit in person."

Photographs are taken by "trusted" photographers, Google said, though businesses can also upload their own images via Google Places. The company is currently setting up shoots in the U.S., Australia, New Zealand, Japan, France, and the UK. In the U.S., that includes Los Angeles, Miami, Houston, Austin, D.C., Boston, Pittsburgh, Dallas, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and New York. Google said it is starting with businesses "that we know are searched for most regularly," like restaurants, hotels, retail shops, gyms, salons, and repair shops.

If you don't want to upload your own pictures, you can apply online for a photographer to stop by. Google will own the photos, though.

This workplace "trend" (if that's the right word) raises a few questions. What if some employees don't want to appear in the photos? What if it's possible to read sensitive documents or to view certain equipment a company doesn't want its competitors to see? Also, will future job applicants be turned off by a potential employer's dank, dark interior and yellowish fluorescent lighting that creeps them out almost as much as the average episode of Ghost Adventures? We shall see. Happy Halloween, by the way.

What is clear: Companies might want to clean house soon, and I'm not talking about layoffs. Some touch-up paint and new corridor lighting could suddenly become very important to the average company's branding and HR strategy if they want to put interior photos online.

You can read Google's Business Photos FAQ page here.

Sunday Sillies: Occupy the Fridge

2011-10-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

I think this one is 100% funny.

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Americans Rank the World's Scariest Jobs

2011-10-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

Which jobs scare you the most?

In honor of Halloween, CareerBuilder/Harris Interactive asked 4,384 American workers to name the world's scariest jobs. Here's what they said:

1. Bomb Squad Technician

2. High Rise Window Washer

3. Armed Forces

4. Miner

5. Police Officer

6. Alaskan Crab Fishing

7. Mortician

8. Firefighter

9. High School Teacher

10. Cemetery Worker

11. Exterminator

12. Stand-Up Comedian

13. Animal Control

14. Stunt Person

15. Politician

High school teacher? Yeah, I guess I can see that one. Once a Marine, always a Marine. Americans apparently like their Deadliest Catch marathons on the Discovery Channel, too. Actually, crab fishing is an incredibly dangerous job. No joking there.

CareerBuilder also asked workers what scares them the most about their own jobs. The threat of pay cuts scares 13% of employees, while roughly 9% of employees are scared by "workload" (more of it?) and the same percentage are scared about "presenting in front of other people." Something called "forced relocation" scares 4% of workers, and the boss scares a mere 3% of people surveyed. Gotta step it up, managers. Forced relocation? Is that like being sent to Siberia or to the basement like Milton in Office Space? I'm not sure, but it's definitely worth a few minutes of Stephen Root. Happy Halloween!

Friday Funnies: Underground From the Outside

2011-10-28T04:46:00.000-07:00

You're running to catch a train and reach the subway platform to find the doors are closing and you'll have to wait for the next one. Damn. But not if you're this guy, who decided to latch on and hope for the best. Maybe your boss would give you Brownie points for making the extra effort to get to work on time, but, all things considered, it's probably worth the risk of being a few minutes late.

Young Employees Are Texting While Driving

2011-10-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

If you manage any employees in the 16 to 24 age range, you might like to know about a new Ad Council/C+R Research survey that tells us a whopping 82% of young drivers are texting while driving.

The under-30 driver who blew right through the stop light or almost merged into you on the freeway? Yeah, that guy (or gal). He (or she) was probably too busy reading texts to C U. LOL. Not so funny are the other findings in the survey, which reveal that three-fourths of young drivers admit to texting while driving. Nearly half (49%) are texting while driving on a regular basis, while exactly half say they've ridden with a friend within the last four weeks who was texting while driving. OMG.

The survey included 1,004 U.S. teens and young adults in the 16-to-24 age range. The problem is so bad with the younger generation that we may soon be anointing designated drivers for texters:

"For over twenty-five years we have been working with NHTSA to successfully address drunk driving prevention. The term 'designated driver' is now a part of the American vocabulary, but even more importantly sixty-seven percent of all adults have tried to stop someone from drinking and driving," said Peggy Conlon, president and CEO of the Ad Council. "Research has shown that using a cell phone delays a driver's reactions as much as having a blood alcohol concentration at the legal limit of .08 percent. Through our Texting and Driving Prevention campaign we are working towards eradicating the mindset among young adults that texting and driving is a safe activity."

If you're a manager or a small business owner, you don't need me to tell you the liability risks involved if a texting employee is out and about on something work-related and hits or kills someone. Surveys such as this one offer a great opportunity to bring up the topic in a meeting or a memo that clearly prohibits texting while driving on work time. I'd say you could text a memo to drive the point home, but no. That's probably not a great idea with these kids. Not all young people are texting while driving, of course, but if 82% of them admit to it then chances are higher they might be texting while driving on the job.

The Ad Council has put together a series of anti-texting ads, and you can get a lot more information at StopTextsStopWrecks.org.

Will This Year's Office Holiday Party Ruin Your Career?

2011-10-26T04:45:00.000-07:00

November is nigh, which means it's almost time for that dreaded annual ritual: The office holiday party!

Maybe you go to your boss's house every year or the company rents a nice banquet room at a hotel. Maybe your employer prefers to do things on the cheap and invites everyone to the office conference room, which has been decorated to look non-officey but you can still hear the stressed-out receptionist answering phones and the decorations aren't really hiding the fact that it's 3 p.m. on a Friday and you're still at work. Whatever the setting, there's food, forced frivolity and, if you're lucky, some beer and wine. The good beer this time. You know what I'm talking about.

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But don't go too crazy, because a new national survey from Caron Treatment Centers reveals that more than half (52%) of full-time and part-time employees have watched a co-worker audition for Employees Gone Wild with some alcohol-fueled "inappropriate or dangerous behavior" such as flirting with the boss, driving drunk, sharing embarrassing personal stories, getting into a fight with a co-worker, or even having sex with a colleague at, or after, the party. Hey, make love not war, or something like that.

Even better: 56% of employees surveyed said these party-hardy co-workers faced "repercussions" for what they did, while 36% said the employee's reputation was permanently damaged at work. And we live in the age of social media, where all this embarrassing stuff could easily end up on Twitter, YouTube and Facebook. Tag, you're it. Helloooo, in perpetuity!

So watch it, will ya? Those nitro taps go down smoothly and work has been stressful lately, but save your inner wild child for nights out with the guys or gals who don't make decisions regarding your career advancement. Think ahead, don't be an idiot, remind your live-in-the-moment co-workers to keep themselves in check, too. Besides, you'll want to be sober for the team-building Macarena.

For my other holiday-related posts, click here to read The 10 Dirty Secrets Of Secret Santa Giving and here to read Five Tips For Surviving the Company Potluck.

Herman Cain Gives Us the Best Campaign Ad Ever

2011-10-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

Just as I think the Republican primary field can't get any more surreal, along comes this new Herman Cain ad that's all kinds of awesome. The Marlboro Man would most certainly approve. Love the slow smile at the end, too. It'll make you wonder what they're smoking over at Cain's campaign headquarters.

New U.S. Labor Rule Requires "Quality" Investment Advice For Employees

2011-10-25T04:43:00.000-07:00

Ah, the 401(k). That Wall Street-inspired ball of confusion for employees everywhere. How does it work? Can you explain what a Lipper average is again? Why are you guys doing this to me? So you're saying I'll never be able to retire, right? And is someone making a huge commission off my confusion?

Never fear, because the Department of Labor's Employee Benefits Security Administration is stepping in to handle the last question. It's just published a new, final rule that requires employee access to "quality fiduciary investment advice." Basically, this means getting rid of a few potential conflicts of interest such as investment advisers pushing stocks and funds that aren't in employees' best interest. Not to sound naive or anything, but we didn't have these rules already? According to the official U.S. DOL press release:

The prohibited transaction rules in ERISA and the IRC generally prevent a fiduciary investment adviser from recommending plan investment options if the adviser receives additional fees from the investment providers. Although these rules protect participants from conflicts of interest, ERISA provides exemptions from the rules in appropriate circumstances and permits the department to grant exemptions that have participant-protective conditions. The new regulation implements an exemption that Congress enacted as part of the Pension Protection Act of 2006 to improve participant access to fiduciary investment advice, which contains certain safeguards and conditions to prevent investment advisers from providing biased advice that is not in a participant's best interest.

To qualify for the exemption in the final regulation, investment advice must be given through the use of a computer model that is certified as unbiased by an independent expert or through an adviser compensated on a "level-fee" basis, meaning that the fees do not vary based on investments selected. Both types of arrangements must also satisfy several other conditions, including the disclosure of the adviser's fees and an annual audit of the arrangement for compliance with the regulation.

Okay. Why does it sound like they're closing one loop hole while creating a few more somehow? But that's government, it's Tuesday morning, and I need more coffee before I check my 401(k) and weep until lunch.

Companies With the Best Workplace Food

2011-10-24T05:07:00.000-07:00

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Does your company give you the munchies or leave you reaching for the Tums?

Glassdoor.com just ranked the companies with the best workplace food, and it's not surprising that some companies -- such as Google with its 25 cafes, organic food and company chefs -- make the list. Here is Glassdoor's rundown of the ten companies where employees just love, love, love the food, with the most-loved food ranked first:

1. Facebook
2. Google
3. Dreamworks Animation
4. Susquehanna International Group
5. LinkedIn
6. TripAdvisor
7. FactSet
8. Bloomberg
9. Zynga
10. Marvell Technology Group

So Facebook ranks better on eats than Google? Who knew. It turns out that Facebook gives employees free breakfast, lunch, dinner AND snacks. The type of food Facebook serves its employees ranges from all over the map from barbecue to Cuban rice and beans, too. This way, Facebook employees can stay at work and think of new and exciting features to upset users when they're not sneaking some Beano. Status: Step it up, Google.

Friday Funnies: Joey Quits

2011-10-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

It used to be that people created long-winded YouTube rants about their ex-employers, but the hot, new trend is quitting your job in spectacular fashion on YouTube! Hey, if you're going to march your way to the unemployment line, you'd might as well do it in style.

Safety, Sort Of: The Top Ten OSHA Violations

2011-10-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

Safety must be the theme of the day, because the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration has just released its list of the top ten U.S. workplace safety violations.

Here are OSHA's ten most frequently cited U.S. workplace safety violations, according to a rundown in EIN News:

1. Scaffolding;
2. Fall protection;
3. Hazard communication;
4. Respiratory protection;
5. Ladders;
6. Lockout/tagout (e.g., warnings about potential for accidental startups);
7. Electrical wiring methods;
8. Industrial trucks;
9. General electrical requirements;
10. Machine guarding (e.g., appropriate barriers and devices to avoid flying chips, sparks, and blades).

So while you're climbing the ladder to success, you might want to make sure it meets mandatory weight-bearing capacity requirements.

U.S. "Misery Index" Highest Since 1983

2011-10-20T05:05:00.000-07:00

Feeling a bit miserable lately? You're not alone, because Reuters reports this morning that the U.S. "misery index" -- a bit of simple math where the nation's inflation and unemployment rates are added together -- is at its highest level since Frank Stallone rocked the Billboard charts!

Okay, Reuters doesn't mention Frank Stallone, but things aren't looking so good. According to Reuters:

An unofficial gauge of human misery in the United States rose last month to a 28-year high as Americans struggled with rising inflation and high unemployment.

The misery index -- which is simply the sum of the country's inflation and unemployment rates -- rose to 13.0, pushed up by higher price data the government reported on Wednesday.

The data underscores the extent that Americans continue to suffer even two years after a deep recession ended, with a weak economic recovery imperiling President Barack Obama's hopes of winning reelection next year.

An unofficial gauge of human misery? Man, I need to use that phrase more often in relation to pretty much everything. In the meantime, we'll all be doing The Safety Dance because there's less and less safety and security in this economy. Everybody look at your hantz.

Do You Work With A Negaholic?

2011-10-19T05:20:00.001-07:00

Is one of your co-workers a "it'll never work" type of person who spends the whole day complaining? Do you remember (fondly) the days when everyone in the office wasn't so damn negative all the time?

If you've ever worked with an employee who views everything from the glass-half-empty perspective, then you know how depressing and demoralizing it can be. Everything management does is some sort of blanket conspiracy to this employee, whether we're talking about salaries, sales or the dirty dishes someone left in the break room sink. Everything and everyone is out to get them, all the time.

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The danger for employers is that the office "negaholic" can rub off on his or her co-workers until the office is one giant daily diss of both projects and people. No matter how hard a well-intentioned employee tries, it can be almost impossible to avoid falling into this employee's pit of negativity. We have no choice but to interact with our co-workers day in and day out, and when an office is overtaken by negativism employees can face a certain level of peer pressure to participate in the negativity -- at least a little bit -- to fit in. Then they feel crummy for doing it, and morale suffers. It can start to feel like there's no way out if the negativity gets bad enough, and, in fact, there isn't a way out short of quitting unless management steps in to stop it. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Not to be a cynic, but I've known way too many people who have worked for employers where negativity ruled the roost and managers knew it was there and simply ignored it. For years. And the negative atmosphere got worse and worse like an infected boil, until managers started having to push much harder for the same productivity levels they regularly enjoyed two years ago. Customers can feel the negativity as soon as they walk in the door, too. Nobody has to say a word; it's in the body language. Man, I'm glad I don't have to work here, customers think. These people would drive me crazy. Why yes, in fact, they would.

Negativity isn't great for branding.

Employers can never eradicate workplace negativity entirely, though. It'll always be there on some level, because we all know people who can be overly critical and high maintenance. But there are steps managers can take to mitigate workplace negativity. I wrote a management column on this topic years ago, and one thing I learned in my research is that the most negative person in the office often has something important to say about the work that needs to be said, it's just not coming out in a constructive way. Maybe procedures aren't working, workloads are too heavy or work schedules are all messed up -- important things managers need to know. Managers, however, tend automatically to label the negative employee's input as just more griping and whining when they should take a few minutes to listen to the employee and coach him or her on offering "suggestions" in a (cough) more positive way.

Never underestimate the capacity for change to breed negativity at work, too. We all fear change, and employees will fill in the blanks when changes happen without much, or any, explanation. If you have a Negative Nelly in the office, she'll grab the sword and lead the charge in getting the other employees into a "them vs. us" mindset, which is exactly what employers don't need in this economy. Managers might want to make sure the overly-critical employee fully understands the changes and has an opportunity to ask a few questions up front. Look at it as an opportunity to make sure the changes really do work for employees.

One last tip: Start looking at the most negative, aggressive employees as being frightened instead of frightening. Today's workplaces are running on fear and Red Bull energy drinks, after all. Most likely, these negative employees are afraid of losing something at work. Is it the chance to take on important projects? The opportunity for advancement? A raise? Getting pink-slipped? Whatever it is, quelling the employee's fears could make your job a lot easier. And after all the bitching you've had to listen to over the last few years, you deserve it.

Is This the Most Relaxing Work Music Ever?

2011-10-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

Is work, or the act of looking for it, turning you into a stress puppy? Well, put away the Enya and Coldplay songs because there's a new stress-busting artiste in town.

Musical group Marconi Union and British therapeutic sound practitioner Lyz Cooper say they have created the most relaxing piece of music ever recorded in the history of the world. That's right: In the history of the entire freaking world. Their eight-minute musical effort called Weightless is so calming, in fact, that it can supposedly lower blood pressure and cortisol levels while also getting the heart and brain waves in sync. So what does the song sound like, exactly? Here you go. Don't fall asleep.

Hmm, I don't know. Why does this song make me want a Snapple? Seriously. I haven't had one in years. Why is that? Anyway, if you feel like you just took an entire yoga class from the comforts of your home office chair (namaste), then the song has done its job. Here's a bit about the research into the song's calming effects:

So if you're looking for music to calm you after a long day of job hunting, or your company is on the hunt for a few new tunes to lull impatient customers waiting on hold into a blissful catatonic state, then this song could be better than a cup of tea, or even a massage. Play it in a staff meeting just to see what happens.

I'm still keeping my Enya CDs, though.

Best Company To Work (And Die) For?

2011-10-17T04:54:00.000-07:00

A customer service co-worker in a nearby cubicle appears to be unconscious, and so you rush over to attempt CPR. But your boss tells you to stop and to get back on the phone taking calls. Your co-worker dies at her desk.

This is what one Ohio Time Warner employee claims happened at her office recently:

So why did the employee stop CPR? well, we tracked her down. She wouldn't go on camera, but what she told us on the phone is shocking.

The women tells us, and other employees confirm, that a supervisor ordered her to end her life saving efforts, and "get back on the phone and take care of customers."

The woman who tried to save Julia Nelson tells us yet another boss warned her, she could be "held liable if something goes wrong."

Maybe this boss hasn't heard of Good Samaritan laws that should legally protect employees and employers who attempt to help an employee in desperate need of medical attention? Maybe this story should inspire companies to review emergency response scenarios and their state's Good Samaritan laws with employees, especially in these times when employees are coming to work sick and stress levels are high? At the very least, if this story is true it's just another reason to hate the cable companies.

Friday Funnies: Facebook Official

2011-10-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

Using social media to promote your business or resume seems so 2010 because now we live in the age of the Facebook love song. That's right: Let's make this relationship the real deal by updating our Facebook status!

The video for "Facebook Official" by Heart2Heart, a group that's a cross between The Backstreet Boys and Rebecca Black with a touch of Flock of Seagulls hair thrown in, has gone viral. Suddenly, Debbie Gibson's "Only In My Dreams" never sounded so good. Enjoy.

Report: Workplace Social Media Use Means More Malware Attacks

2011-10-14T04:54:00.001-07:00

All the employees are doing it.

Posting to Facebook and opening random links on Twitter, that is. But are employers aware of the potential for malware problems?

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Web security company Websense tells us today that more than half (52%) of companies are experiencing regular malware attacks as a direct result of employee social media use at work, which averages 30 minutes per work day according to the report. "Malware" is shortform for "malicious software," which is basically any program that's bad for your computer, laptop or hand-held device.

Websense surveyed more than 4,600 IT and IT security workers in 12 countries.

So an employee was "just" trying to open a total stranger's Twitpic photo and boom! Oh, no -- where's the IT guy!? My computer suddenly isn't working. For IT people, social media sites must be sort of like a STD, the gift that keeps on giving. I don't think there's a vaccine yet, though.

Surprise, You're Working Longer Hours Now

2011-10-13T04:47:00.000-07:00

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Is this economy making you feel like a slave to the clock? If so, it's not all in your head because consulting firm Towers Watson tells us that U.S. and Canadian employees are indeed working longer hours these days.

The Towers Watson Talent Management and Rewards Survey studied 316 North American companies -- 218 of them in the United States -- and reports roughly two-thirds of employees who are still working are working longer hours now than they did before the Great Recession. Not only are they working longer hours, they don't see an end to it anytime soon. Employers are starting to get worried about the impact on productivity, and whether or not employees will be too scared to take risks. Yes, probably. Here's what one expert has to say:

"Employees generally don't mind doing more with less especially when economic conditions are tough," said Ryan Johnson, CCP, Vice President of Research for WorldatWork. "But when this drags into multiple years, and they start to hear anecdotes of recovery, they become less understanding. At that point, the entire employee value proposition is crucial to retention."

In other words, I'm getting really tired of putting up with your crap, I haven't had a raise in two years, I never see my family or take a vacation anymore and I'd move on to a new job except there isn't one to move on to right now but when there is one man, look out because I'm outta here faster than you can say "employee value proposition," whatever that means. Just thought I'd get the management-speak out of the way.

You can read more about the report here.